Well, the time finally came for my friend to give birth to the son she doesn't want.
I went to her baby shower a few weeks ago and it was nothing other than awkward - at 9 months pregnant, she was still going on and on about how this pregnancy and this child will ruin her and her entire life. The way she has been going for the last 7.5 months, since she's known about it.
I know that many people have a tough time through their pregnancies, but as soon as their children are born, they fall in love and become mothers. Mothers who nurture and love. I was hopeful that this would happen, and was excited to hear that she'd given birth to her son this week.
I work at the hospital, so was their first friend visitor. I was invited into the room, where my friend was in bed, her husband was slumped over on a chair in the corner, and their son was in his bassinet, with no blanket wrapped around him, crying so hard that his entire body was flushed with blood.
I was shocked, and quickly asked whether I could pick him up and cuddle for a while. They tried to wrap him up burrito-style, and I bent down to pick him up gently, whispering to him and rocking him slightly. He stopped crying. He stopped shivering.
My friend's first words to me were: "Moral of the story: don't have sex with boys. And don't ever, ever do this." (she doesn't know we are TTC). She has always used humour as a shield for when people try to get close to her, but I just felt like saying, shut the fuck up and show your son that he's wanted and welcome". But, of course I didn't. I smiled awkwardly and turned my attention to the boy.
I know that they are shit scared and young and probably in shock at the fact that they are now in charge of a nine-pound human that can't take care of himself. I get that, but it's tough to see. When the boy started making sucking attempts when he was in my arms, I mentioned that it looked like he was getting hungry, so I would pass him back.
I was met with a "no". I stopped rocking. "You can play with him". So I started trying to comfort the baby as best as I could, without providing him with food. Finally, it got so bad and he was crying so much that he couldn't breathe that well, so I forced him into her arms and said, "He should probably try to eat". And then, I was met with "it doesn't work anyway".
Tears came as I closed the door to go back to my office. I've never had a friend that hasn't passionately wanted a child and this was so hard to see. I had hoped so much that with the little guy actually here, they'd get their shit together. I'm hoping they still have a chance, and that this baby won't suffer.
Devon took me for dinner that night and was surprised that I hadn't said anything to my friend. She didn't understand why I didn't tell her that the kid needed a blanket and needed some food. My friend had given birth less than 24 hours ago, and I didn't want to make her feel as though she wasn't doing a good enough job (which she probably wasn't, but I'm not going to tell her that). They were at the hospital, with capable nurses, and I didn't feel like it was my place to say anything. Though it fucking killed me...
Luckily, they were asked to stay in the hospital at least two more nights that they'd expected to be there. I hope they were flagged by staff and given the support they need. Devon suggested I offer to help them as soon as they are home, but again, I don't think it's my place to insinuate that they are not able to do it alone.
I'm just terrified for that baby. I'm so upset about this.
She is a pretty good friend. Not a best friend. What would you say/do, if anything?