Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Christian Daddies

I completed my few days of feeling resentful towards the universe and now I'm back. Thanks to all for your comments and for sticking around until I un-nailed myself from the martyr cross. I understand that it's a necessary part of this process, but damn, it can be annoying.

We ordered 4 vials of donor #2 yesterday. I'm pretty excited about him. It was a bit tough as I was doing my finances before the purchase, and realized if we don't get pregnant with any of these four samples, I can only afford to do another few rounds. If we have to move to IVF, I don't know if we'll be able to afford it. Trying not to go there for now, and hoping that a new donor will be the trick.

He's quite possibly the best looking donor we've seen in our searches. He's beautiful and amazingly eloquent in his writing. I know it's tough to go on simply words and photos alone, but we don't really have any other choice. I really, really like this dude. He's the same colouring as Devon (and the same as #1). He's a lot more of an extravert and has a stronger personality than #1, but I don't place too much emphasis on personality. I don't actually place that much emphasis on looks either... it was his writing that swayed us. 

I hate to say it, but there was one thing about our first donor that didn't sit well with me. He listed a very well-known evangelical preacher as his hero. I know that shouldn't really matter, but I was trying to fast forward 18 years and picture my kid telling his biological father that his/her parents were lesbians, and it made me shudder. I know that donors must realize that they may father kids of gay parents, but it's one thing knowing that in theory and another meeting the product of such a family.

I don't really like that banks seem to place a lot of emphasis on a donor's religious beliefs. What does that have to do with an offspring, if religion is one thing that you actually CAN choose? It's not heritable. I imagine it gives other Christians in need of a donor some peace that they are involving someone in their family that holds the same beliefs, or that God must condone the purchasing of sperm if it comes from another Christian. This is coming from a girl who was involved in a born-again Baptist cult church for five years, so I actually do understand it, but it's a bit of a turn-off.

Our new donor is listed as a Christian. Now please understand that I know that being Christian doesn't automatically make you a bigot - I have gay friends involved in United or Angelican churches and have been known to attend a service or two myself (and enjoying them). It's the ├╝ber religious that make me uncomfortable. I hope to bring up my kid to be aware of all faiths and encourage them to explore a set of beliefs that feels right to them. I also hope that if my child is 18 and wants to find its father, that religion won't be the thing that keeps them from connecting. Oh well, I have more than 18 years to ponder that.  Do any of you know if donors get counseling about this sort of situation?

7 comments:

  1. Hmm...no idea. I know we had one donor who we hadn't noticed until it was too late that was very religious (lots of references to God, church, etc). We were so happy that he didn't work out! I think that just generally listing your religion probably doesn't mean much (and lots of times I think it's for the benefit of families looking to use Jewish donors)unless he goes on at length about how great Joel Osteen is. In which case, thank goodness you're on to #2!

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  2. Glad you are trying donor #2. I wouldn't worry so much about the religion. It will be your child raised in your home and we tend to follow our parents we live with. Too many thoughts running through your head. Just focus on the sperm and egg meeting and loving each other.:)

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  3. One more thing-what is the % that get pregnant at the present clinic? You might want to switch places and doctors after one more try.

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  4. We didn't even look at our donor's religion. I am sure some folks like to know and maybe feel better with one thing or the other. I know that for some people with jewish heritage they need to know for risk of genetic issues.

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  5. Yes, we paid attention to the religion part. We didn't eliminate donors just because of their religion, but if bulk of their hobbies, interests, etc., revolved around religion, we eliminated them.

    When I read your blog entries I am just struck by how similar our journeys are. We have also tried, and failed, three times, and just yesterday I ordered three more vials from our donor. If we don't get pregnant, I don't know what we'll do, financially.

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  6. We looked at the religion of ur donor as well. The donor we choose and our back up donor both listed themselves as spiritual and non-religious. For some people that's bit a big deal but for us it was/is.

    The cryobank we used stated that their donors receive counseling before become a donor and when a child is going to contact them.

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  7. We looked at the religion of ur donor as well. The donor we choose and our back up donor both listed themselves as spiritual and non-religious. For some people that's bit a big deal but for us it was/is.

    The cryobank we used stated that their donors receive counseling before become a donor and when a child is going to contact them.

    ReplyDelete