This one hit pretty hard. Harder than either of the BFNs before. For numerous reasons, I guess.
We really, really believed we were pregnant this time. I honestly didn't doubt it for one second during the 2WW - even with a few early BFN HPTs. The saying "third time lucky" has to come from somewhere, right? I had definite implantation bleeding on 8dpo (after my last questionable post), I was days late for my period (cruelly, it still hasn't come), I actually got to the point where I had to go in for a real blood test to find out whether I was pregnant, and I think the hardest hit is that the clinic is closed over Christmas, when I would ovulate next, and there is no guarantee that we'll be in town for a January ovulation either. I hate forced breaks - I have no control.
We are out of donor #1 and will move onto #2 next year. This is not necessarily a bad thing - we do really like #2. It's just a tough blow. Another couple of grand will be spent to have the boys shipped to the clinic in time, just in case I ovulate late next month and can squeeze in on January 3rd. That's a good chunk of money to spend right before Christmas, and a vacation. Shitty.
I was hoping so hard for an early Christmas gift, and now it just feels like the holidays are going to feel empty. Barren, one might say.
This is one of those "woe is me" posts, which I apologize for, but sometimes they are necessary.
I hope everyone is having a good pre-holiday season.