A scary thing happened this week. I was getting all my banking in order to pay my bills for the 15th. I got paid on Friday, so all was like any other month... I had the money in my account, so took care of mortgage payment, phone bill, hydro, etc.
I have $98 left over in my chequings account to hold me over until my next pay cheque in two weeks.
These two weeks include a $100 doctor's appointment, a $50 hair cut (I can't see right now my hair is in my face) and getting together with friends for dinner - something I set up weeks ago. I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to swing it. [Good thing I haven't paid into those RRSPs yet this year...?]
Right now, I have an account specifically for TTC costs, which is separate from the above account. I saved for about three years, and was able to save close to $10,000. We have already blown through more than 75% of that money. We're only 6 months in.
We have a shitload of debt to deal with outside of this. I married into about $30,000 debt (unfortunate circumstances) and we have been paying that off in the form of a bank loan for the last 4 years. We still have more than a year to go before it's gone. We owe our strata $5,000 for upgrades. We owe $2,000 on our car.
I owe my father close to $8,000 for emergency money that I had to go to him for. I hate owing my father. Hate hate hate it.
Unfortunately, with the amount of debt that Devon has and has had for years, she is unable to save anything to help with this process, so the costs of TTC has fallen solely into my realm of responsibility. I was okay with that for a while, but I am realizing it is not sustainable. Not if we have to do this for much longer. About 30% of my salary (net) goes to TTC costs. And I don't have a measly salary. Though it feels that way now.
So what happens if we have to keep going? Do we just create more debt? I can't imagine stopping just because we run out of money, but how fucked up is that? There is nothing else in the world that you would pay $1,000 for on the off chance (10-15%) that you'd end up with what you wanted. That's up to a 90% failure rate. And that's just IUI. With IVF, we're looking at about $10,000.
I find that the emotional investment is far more of a struggle than the financial one, and is the only one you listen to through this process. The costs associated with building a family (that most people get for free!) this way makes my stomach turn.
When my family moved to Canada from the UK, we came here with very little money. My parents were incredibly frugal and as a result, I am frugal too - sometimes to a fault. I do not spend money on myself, other than necessities. I don't treat myself. Wherever possible, I save. Right or wrong, there are times when I see debt as failure - even "healthy" debt. It just scares me so much. Especially in this day and age, and especially as the city I live in has just been named the most expensive city to live in in North America (recently surpassing every single US state).
We are selling our condo and we're going to rent somewhere "cheap" for a while (cheap in this city is $1,800/month for an 800 sq ft apartment). It is no longer worth it to own anything here. We won't make money on our place, but I'm hoping to god we break even, after all the realtor/legal/moving costs.
It scares me that I have no idea what is going to happen once we've blown through the rest of the TTC money.
Not a nice feeling. Not a nice feeling at all.