Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Now I know

Not pregnant.

I took an HPT this morning and it was negative. I'm saving myself a needle prick and skipping the blood work today as I want to see whether AF comes today. If it's still not here by tomorrow afternoon, I'll get a blood test for finality's sake, but we're definitely out this month. I only had about two hours worth of pee in my bladder at 5 am (my bladder is horrible through the night), but I really don't think that would've made that much of a difference.

Le sigh.

We'll be making an appointment to see our RE for next steps, as I'm not sure I can continue to do this over and over and over again without a long-term plan. The fact that I'm using the term "long-term" makes it sound kind of depressing. And it is depressing. And exhausting. And draining. 

I have a little bit of a dilemma right now, as I'm torn about whether to TTC next month. If we got pregnant next month, it would be a December baby. I taught preschool and kindergarten part-time for about 10 years and the differences between the two-year-olds born near the end of the year and their slightly older counterparts were so palpable. The young kids always struggled so much more than the older ones. Especially the boys. And then there are reports like this one that make you think.

Now there are exceptions for sure. Our niece is eight and she's a December baby and has always been the most advanced kid in the class. And in the end, it all evens out, but year after year - especially from September through to December - I'd see these little guys suffer in school and it didn't seem fair that they were tossed in with a group that obviously weren't their equal.

Maybe it's silly to think like this. And it will break my heart that if we do sit this one out, we will not have our baby in 2012. And wouldn't a Christmas baby be the best present ever? I don't know. Maybe it's not even anything to lose sleep over, because it's so kid-dependent. Hell, our donor could be a dumb-ass for all I know and our January baby could be the thickest in the class... of course those genes wouldn't come from me! ;-)

So, do I fill my prescription for Clomid, or do I sit tight and wait until we meet with the doctor? 

Maybe today is not the day to decide. 

Thanks, as always, for your support.

9 comments:

  1. I'm sorry to hear about the BFN, but for me it's not over until AF arrives. As far as having a December baby, we were worried about that as well but decided to go for it. Jude was due in January but there was always the chance he would have been early and born in December but instead we got a February baby! And you can always hold them back a year so they are the oldest in the class instead of the youngest. Just my thoughts.

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  2. Boo. Im so sorry lex.
    I was born at the end of December and don't feel like I had any issues but I did hate having a holiday birthday.

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  3. I will wait until you are sure the test is negative and then I would go see the doctor about what you can add to this regime and maybe go to bigger guns to get pregnant.

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  4. Ditto what people say about it not being over until AF sings or the blood test confirms. It is not at all unheard of for people to test negative at 14DPO. I'll still be hoping for the best since AF hasn't visited.

    As for the December issue, we had to take this month off and will try again next month (with lots more meds, etc.), so the December thing is an issue too, but not for school (here, December babies are right in the middle age-wise, because the cut off is Sept. 1.) The holidays are an issue, though. My partner's birthday is just before Christmas and she hated having a holiday birthday, but for us that's just not enough of a reason not to try. My birthday is in June and I hated not being in school for my birthday, so there's always something to complain about.

    As for the school thing, I guess the equivalent would be that here students born in late spring and summer are the early ones. I was one of those (I was younger than almost everyone!) and never had any problems in school, and in fact graduated at the top of my class. I taught high school for six years and never noticed a difference based on birthdays, so perhaps that difference you noted in the little ones evens out as they get older.

    Regardless, I'm with you on the disappointment that it's becoming "long-term". Next month will be try 6, and I never thought it would take this.

    Crossing my fingers for you!

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  5. I'm sorry it looks like a BFN, sigh.

    I think it sucks that we even have to think about such issues like the school year with regards to when our children are born. I think if not trying next month is going to be hard on you, you should go for it.

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  6. I'm so sorry :(

    It definitely did help me to have a "plan" - that is, an idea of where the doctor was heading - as I was trying to figure out what would come next based on things he had said in the past and the internet and neither was what the actual plan was. Knowing what to expect took away some of the anxiety.

    I think a baby born at any time of year will present it's own unique positives and challenges. However, since you are in the unique and awful position of deciding versus "leaving it up to fate," I say go with your heart when the time comes.

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  7. I'm sorry about the BFN. And I agree that a plan is one way to make this process easier (slightly). I really appreciated having my insurance be so specific about what we had to do when to get coverage, because it meant structure even when things were so up in the air.

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