We finally had our first midwife appointment today and it was awesome. I feel very supported and the place is incredible - there is a lending library (which includes books on queer families), and trading post where you can pick up anything from maternity clothes to onesies to diapers and just bring something in yourself when you have something you don't need, drop-in new mom info sessions, a massage therapist... the list goes on and on.
herself was fantastic. She will be one of three midwives we see, so that we build a relationship with all of them, and any of the three will be on call for the birth. I was nervous that as soon as I gave my medical history, along with a list of medications, they would find me too complex, but she was incredibly non-judgmental and just asked questions and wrote down all of the info. I cringed when she said, "which medication are you on?" and then had to list ALL of the medication that I was on. But no reaction. It was was it was. And it is what it is.
We decided against the genetic testing for weeks 10-13. She walked us through it and basically said (without trying to sway our vote) that it can lead to a lot of unnecessary anxiety. For me, who is anxious to begin with, although I really really want to know my baby is okay, I realized that these tests are not going to be able to tell me that. And we are against doing an amnio, so we wouldn't be going any further anyway if the initial tests came back positive. So we didn't really see the point. Devon was grateful that I finally arrived at this place (she has always been against all genetic testing and I was on the fence). I feel better about it having talked it through with the midwife. It feels like the right choice for us.
At the end of the appointment, she asked that although it's early and she probably wouldn't be able to find a heartbeat, would I like to try. I didn't think they'd ask this early on, but regardless, had prepared myself to try and fail, so we said yes. It took a while to find and I was losing hope, but eventually we got it! Beating at a strong 160! 10 beats faster a minute than three weeks ago.
Honestly, hearing the heartbeat today was even more reassuring than actually seeing the baby at the ultrasound three weeks ago. Yes, I saw that there was a baby in there, but today, I found out that the baby STAYED in there... and oddly enough, it became more real today that ever before. I feel so much more relieved and it was quite funny - every time we got a good run on the doppler, I started giggling and then we had to start again. I couldn't help it. It's like the best sound in the entire world.
BoomBoom is okay. We're okay. Today is a good day.