Thursday, June 21, 2012

Not quite a baby bump, can't be just all fat...?

I'm looking forward to having a new place to live. We sold our house about a month ago and though we don't have to leave until July 9th, we've been house-sitting since the end of May. We go back "home" on Saturday for two weeks before the move. I put home in quotations because it doesn't feel like home anymore. All the upgrades we did were made with another owner in mind. It just feels so not-us. I'm looking forward to our move on July 7th and making a new home with the baby in mind.

I'm not liking the way I'm expanding right now. Obviously it's not a baby bump yet, but my pants are fitting tight and when I relax, it may as well be a baby bump. I've never cared too much about my weight, but for some reason, I'm really self-conscious about it. I think it's because I don't look pregnant, I look fat. And to onlookers, I'm fat for no reason. I just don't feel comfy in my skin. Once I start to show, I'm going to kill it and love showing off the baby bump, but right now I feel full, bloated, gassy, fat and extremely unsexy. And hairy. Oh my god I'm hairy.

I actually got my bra size measured the other day (I needed to buy the biggest push-up bra of my life for a horrible bridesmaid dress I need to wear in August). I'm up a cup size, which for a barely-A-cup is actually pretty nice. Not complaining about that part. 

I've been planning on telling my boss about the pregnancy on July 13th - my last day before a week's vacation, which I've yet to plan. I just don't want to be around for the backlash of the news. I witnessed the backlash with my colleague after she told the boss, and I am not looking forward to it. One of my other colleagues at work knows I'm pregnant and she's cautioning me not to tell the boss until I start showing, which may be a month later (although not sure now that I can barely do up my pants). She says there is no need to freak her out early than I have to and we both know what the backlash might be. I'm torn a bit, because I see her point, but at the same time, I'd like to share my news with all of my colleagues, and I don't feel comfortable telling anyone until my boss knows. Not sure what to do...

Lots to think about in these last few weeks before the second trimester. I can't believe we're almost there. Next week, I'll have a baby the size of a lime in my belly :)

Very much looking forward to our first midwives appointment tomorrow morning. I can't wait to feel like I have part of a team for this. I just hope they're up for the challenge of treating someone on a cocktail of antidepressants.

2 comments:

  1. I'm feeling the same way -not pregnant, just fat. Like you, I'm not a fan. I figure in a couple more weeks I'll actually look pregnant though and feel a little better about it.

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  2. Wait to tell the boss until 20 weeks. Also, did the shrink every call you back?

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