Saturday, June 9, 2012

On the fence

I'll start out with some good news: We have our first midwife appointment on Friday morning, where we get to meet one or two of the midwifery team that will hopefully follow us through the pregnancy. It is the one-stop-shop place, not the one who didn't call me back for almost a month (they finally did call yesterday and I told them considering the time lapsed, I found care somewhere else and wasn't really happy with their lack of service. No apology; no nothing).

We also see our RE on Friday in the afternoon. I imagine this will be the last time we use the clinic for this pregnancy. I will actually miss him a lot. I already miss the people from clinic a lot. I work in the same hospital as the clinic, so I always look out for the staff in the halls, but rarely see them. We will go over our ultrasound from a week and a half ago and then I don't really know what else they do with us...

I haven't heard from my reproductive psychiatrist yet and I don't have a number for the office. Guess I'll have to be patient. Luckily, my mood has remained good, but I do need some insight on my meds.

So this next week, we are going to meet the 9 week mark. Next Sunday (we'll be almost 10 weeks), my entire family gets together for my niece's birthday and the girls' annual piano concert (I teach piano to my oldest nieces and each June, we put on a concert for the family). My eight-year-old niece usually emcees the concert and we had an idea to slip her an extra cue card right at the end of the concert that said something like "Auntie Lex and Auntie Devon are having a baby"... and announce the pregnancy that way.

But I'm on the fence.

We will not have the family together like that again until far further into my pregnancy, when I'd have already had to tell them. It is the perfect opportunity to share the news and just thinking about it makes me smile, but I don't know how presumptuous it would be. Yes, 10 weeks is better than 6 or 7 or 8, but at the same time, it's not past the "safe" point... especially if we tell the kids. If something goes wrong, I have no doubt that the adults in the family would be extremely supportive and wonderful, but I worry that the kids are too young to understand (though their mom did have a miscarriage at 9 weeks about 2 years ago after having told them she was pregnant, though I'm not sure they remember).

It seems silly to throw this perfect opportunity away when we're so close to that elusive mark, but I worry - because that's what I do best. I really want the energy of the entire family in the room and it makes me sad that if we don't do it next week, we'll not have that.

I don't know... what would you do?




11 comments:

  1. I would do it for sure. It’s a perfect time and I always think that you should celebrate when things are good and then deal with it later if something goes wrong. This baby isn’t going anywhere, so don’t act like it might! Plus if the kids are too little to understand then I’m sure they are too little to have long memories. Do it!

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  2. I think you should go for it. I know it must be really scary to think about having to talk to your family if something goes wrong, but at the very least, it means you can have their care and support through it. 10 weeks isn't technically the "safe point" yet, but you're close. And you deserve to have the good memory of being able to tell everyone at once and let them dote over the two of you! Make sure you video tape it to show the baby when he/she is older. The concern about the kids is valid, but I don't think it needs to be your deciding factor. The fact that the thought of it makes you smile makes me believe that it is the right choice!

    Best of luck!

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  3. We definitely fall into the camp of telling people we are close to early on. I'd say most of our family has known since I was 8 weeks (about a month?), and in some cases they've known even longer than that (we told Jen's parents as soon as we got a positive HPT). I'd be inclined to just go for it and hope for the best. If something happened I'm sure you'd appreciate the extra support, but there's really no need to think like that since it sounds like things have been going along just as they should be.

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  4. I, too, agree with telling at the recital. It will be great for you and your family. And I would deal with disaster if it ever happens but not worry about it until it does. Wasted energy since all the worry does nothing to prevent bad things from happening. Go with the positive.

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  5. Do it. We were gonna wait for 12 weeks too but ended up telling our families at 10. I'm sure you are bursting to share and the more support you have, the better!

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  6. My friend who's miscarried before told me: "Don't tell anyone unless you're going to be comfortable telling them bad news." Maybe that's a little cynical, but she's had a rough time which explains a lot. We haven't told any extended family yet, but honestly? Does it matter? Maybe it's better for you, Devon, and Bam-Bam to just live in and enjoy the moment. I say go for it!

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  7. im kind of weirded out by how parallel our lives are. at my (87 year old) uncles wedding yesterday, we just kind of wound up telling my whole (dad's side of the)family, and we're only at 8.5 weeks. i clearly emphasized how early it is, and asked for everyone to pray for us that things continue to go well, but i was happy to share and receive so many whole hearted congratulatory wishes. telling people isn't going to change whatever fate has in store for us, and if nothing more, we have everyone's support. so, like everyone else said, i think you should go for it. :o)

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  8. family is family. no harm in telling them.

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  9. We chose to tell our parents first in different ways and then slowly spread the news through the family with a couple smaller and a couple bigger announcements. I think there is something special to both - the bigger ones were fun, but I really enjoyed the intimacy of being able to see individual reactions from those we told one-on-one (we even got a couple of them on video). I felt like with the bigger ones, I couldn't see how everyone responded. In the end, I'm on team do-what-feels-right-for-you...

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  10. I think you should go for it. That energy is important and will feel really, really great. Like someone else suggested, maybe it's important to emphasize that you're not at that "out of the woods" phase yet and the more people you have rooting for you the better. Try to focus on the celebration and joy and not so much the risk.

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  11. I agree that if I were you, I'd go ahead and do it. As far as your nieces and nephews, the ones who are older would be able to learn about loss in an age appropriate way, and that sometimes life is like that. They would also be able to understand why you were sad. BUT that being said, most likely it will just make for a great story someday when your child is older!

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