Tuesday, July 3, 2012

12 weeks! Though my uterus says otherwise...

So we made it - 12 weeks today. The "first big" milestone. I can't really believe it. We're thrilled and though I do feel much safer that this baby is hanging on, I know that we're not entirely out of the woods... but the trees are definitely thinner here.

I mentioned this before, but I don't think I'm going to have the luxury of hiding it much longer. I broke down today and bought a belly band (after the buckle on my pants near cut a hole through my gut with the pressure) and I'm having a tough time finding shirts that can cover the belly without looking like they're obviously hiding something.

I was between a size 0 to 2 pre-pregnancy and though I wasn't as skinny as I have been in the past, I didn't have much meat on me. I'm petite (5'3" on a good day). I'm thinking there just isn't much room in there for my melon-sized uterus and my plum-sized baby these days. I've gained about 5 pounds already and don't feel as though I'm overeating and I'm eating well on the most part. The weight is worrying me a little bit. I'm sure my mother's voice at the back of my head saying "You shouldn't be showing until at least 5 months" doesn't help. At all. I'm actually really insecure about it right now.

I haven't "popped" and I know the belly weight is not baby. I imagine it's excess stuff that can't fit down where the baby is anymore. I feel as though once I've popped, and once people know I'm pregnant, I'll have no problem rocking the belly. For now, I just feel overweight.

My boss is away this week and then four days after she comes back, I leave on vacation for 10 days. If I don't tell her next week (13 weeks), it'll have to be when I'm 15 weeks, and I honestly don't think I'll be able to hide it then. Plus, all the books tell you to tell your boss right after a big accomplishment at work and coming back from vacation hardly seems like an accomplishment. I feel like I'll be much lighter (not physically) once the news is out, but 13 weeks still seems pretty early to me. It doesn't help when I'm on baby forums all day reading posts by people miscarrying at 12 and 13 weeks. Gotta stop reading that shit.

Telling my boss is going to be tough for numerous reasons but especially because in Canada, we have 12 months maternity leave. To boot, my colleague - it is only her and I on my manager's team - is on mat leave until May 2013. Our mat leaves will overlap 4-5 months. 100% of my manager's staff will be gone. It's any manager's nightmare.

But, I can't shoulder the responsibility and I know it's something I just need to get through. I kind of want it out of the way, and I also want to share the news with my colleagues. I'm looking forward to that. I still haven't told some of my very best friends, but that will come this week. I've been enjoying the few reactions so far. Wow, there is a scale of them! From a quiet, passive "oh, I'm delighted for you" to "shut the fuck up, that's awesome" (as they fall to their knees). Funny.

So, 12 weeks. Twelve frikkin' weeks. Yay. Maybe I'll finally break down and get myself one of those tickers for my blog.



7 comments:

  1. Lex, everyone feels stuffed in the first 3 months before you start showing. For my first pregnancy i didn't pop until 6months but for my second I was out at two weeks. It is totally an individual thing. Stop worrying about things you can't control. I ate to my heart's content both times. One time I gained 22 pounds, one time 45 pounds. My sons were 7 pounds 9 ounces and the other was 8 pounds 11 ounces and I am only 5'3". I loved being pregnant as no one told me what to eat and I could finally relax my eating worries and just enjoy food for real rather than trying to stay at a certain weight. It was the most peaceful time and this was before ultrasounds and all the other tests to see if everything was okay. Just tried to let go of worries I could no longer control and ate myself into oblivion and loved it.

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  2. Congrats on 12 weeks! Hopefully your second trimester will be as fun and pleasant as can be! Don't worry about the weight. Like, at all. Unless your doctor tells you you have to (and even then, unless it's a LOT of weight, I'd be skeptical) just go with it. I think I was almost entirely in maternity clothes by 12 weeks, even though I didn't look pregnant until way later. I hope things go well with your boss--don't feel too guilty, though. You can get all worked up feeling guilty that you didn't time things better, but the truth is that there's no good time, and if you were straight you could have accidentally gotten pregnant at any time at all and they'd have to be ok with it no matter what.

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  3. Congrats on 12 weeks!!! Enjoy the move in to maternity clothes, elastic waist pants are the best! :-)

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  4. It's so awkward being in between regular clothes and maternity clothes! I haven't popped either and I've only gained about 2 pounds (in 15 weeks, but I was overweight), but I'm wearing a combination of my largest regular clothes, often with a band or unbuttoned, and maternity pants because my midsection has gotten so wide. Sometimes I look pregnant and sometimes I just look fat! I wish I'd pop already so I could just wear the maternity clothes.

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  5. Sounds like you are tiny, wearing size 0-2. I'm 5'3" and wear a size 4-5, and a 5 lb gain makes a huge difference on my waist size!!!

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  6. Congratulations on 12 weeks! That's such a relief to hit that milestone. I am so glad to have come across your blog. My partner is BiPolar and has four other mental health diagnosis, so I sort of relate to your situation, though I am the spouse and not the one with the mental health problems. I look forward to continuing to read your blog and the journey you are on. Its quite a roller coaster and it doesn't slow down after the baby is here. :)

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  7. Yes! Time for stretchy pants!

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