So we made it - 12 weeks today. The "first big" milestone. I can't really believe it. We're thrilled and though I do feel much safer that this baby is hanging on, I know that we're not entirely out of the woods... but the trees are definitely thinner here.
I mentioned this before, but I don't think I'm going to have the luxury of hiding it much longer. I broke down today and bought a belly band (after the buckle on my pants near cut a hole through my gut with the pressure) and I'm having a tough time finding shirts that can cover the belly without looking like they're obviously hiding something.
I was between a size 0 to 2 pre-pregnancy and though I wasn't as skinny as I have been in the past, I didn't have much meat on me. I'm petite (5'3" on a good day). I'm thinking there just isn't much room in there for my melon-sized uterus and my plum-sized baby these days. I've gained about 5 pounds already and don't feel as though I'm overeating and I'm eating well on the most part. The weight is worrying me a little bit. I'm sure my mother's voice at the back of my head saying "You shouldn't be showing until at least 5 months" doesn't help. At all. I'm actually really insecure about it right now.
I haven't "popped" and I know the belly weight is not baby. I imagine it's excess stuff that can't fit down where the baby is anymore. I feel as though once I've popped, and once people know I'm pregnant, I'll have no problem rocking the belly. For now, I just feel overweight.
My boss is away this week and then four days after she comes back, I leave on vacation for 10 days. If I don't tell her next week (13 weeks), it'll have to be when I'm 15 weeks, and I honestly don't think I'll be able to hide it then. Plus, all the books tell you to tell your boss right after a big accomplishment at work and coming back from vacation hardly seems like an accomplishment. I feel like I'll be much lighter (not physically) once the news is out, but 13 weeks still seems pretty early to me. It doesn't help when I'm on baby forums all day reading posts by people miscarrying at 12 and 13 weeks. Gotta stop reading that shit.
Telling my boss is going to be tough for numerous reasons but especially because in Canada, we have 12 months maternity leave. To boot, my colleague - it is only her and I on my manager's team - is on mat leave until May 2013. Our mat leaves will overlap 4-5 months. 100% of my manager's staff will be gone. It's any manager's nightmare.
But, I can't shoulder the responsibility and I know it's something I just need to get through. I kind of want it out of the way, and I also want to share the news with my colleagues. I'm looking forward to that. I still haven't told some of my very best friends, but that will come this week. I've been enjoying the few reactions so far. Wow, there is a scale of them! From a quiet, passive "oh, I'm delighted for you" to "shut the fuck up, that's awesome" (as they fall to their knees). Funny.
So, 12 weeks. Twelve frikkin' weeks. Yay. Maybe I'll finally break down and get myself one of those tickers for my blog.