Thursday, July 19, 2012

Restless

Devon and I celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary this week. In total, we've been together 8.5 years, which feels both like a lifetime and several seconds. So much has changed over these years, but I'm happy to say that we still have that spark that was there in the early days. I think it's actually gotten bigger. I'm lucky.

We got away this week to reconnect and it will be our last vacation as a couple for a long, long time, I imagine. I don't imagine our upcoming vacations will include 12-hour sleeps and crazy eights tournaments - at least not for a while. We're trying to make the best of it, and at the same time, we are both so incredibly burnt out from the renos/move that a lot of the time, we're a bit comatose. But that's okay.

Today is my 100th day of this pregnancy. I'm getting a bit restless - only because I'm a bit frustrated. The ONLY thing I know about this baby is that it has a heartbeat. That's the only information we have. Part of me regrets not getting the CVS genetic testing, because it would give some indication of how this wee one is doing in there, although in my part of Canada, we do not get an ultrasound to go with the blood tests. I just don't like not knowing about the health, considering that this isn't considered a low-risk pregnancy, considering my health concerns and medications.

That 18-20 week ultrasound cannot come fast enough, yet I know I have to be okay with the time I have right now and have to find some way to enjoy it. Who knows if I'll ever be pregnant again (I hope so!) and I don't want to rush through it just so I can meet my baby. The time it spends inside is just as important as the time it will spend with us on the other side.

I am having quite a bit of what I imagine is round ligament pain when I cough, stretch, reach for anything. The sharp pains are brutal and totally put me in my place. Every time it hits, I just say, "Okay, little dude - I'm sorry!" and sit still for a minute. I like these little reminders that things are progressing.

Oh, and I finally put a ticker on my blog. Didn't really know how hard it would be to be okay with that up there, but it's there to stay :)


5 comments:

  1. Lex, I wish I could say something to help you relax about things not within your control. Just enjoy the days and breathe and realize how far you have come. Off a lot of meds and carrying a wonderful fetus in there. I hope when the ultrasound comes back everything will be fine and you can then relax but something tells me that is not in your frame of reference. Relaxing and anxiety free.:)

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  2. Yeah, I don't look back fondly upon those days of knowing, but not knowing... and while it doesn't really go away, I do think it gets easier with ultrasounds and kicking and being able to "check in" more with your body. Not much advice to offer except to keep focusing on the good work you are doing!

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  3. Congrats on the anniversary!!! Just take it day by day - you'll be sleep-deprived and covered in baby poop soon enough! ;)

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  4. I'm sure things are progressing well, but I understand the concern. Hopefully you're reassured at your 18-20 week ultrasound.

    The round ligament pain gets me too! (Though I didn't realize what it was until my midwife told me earlier this week.)

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  5. Yay for the ticker! I like it. Why don't you buy a home doppler? It's just the heartbeat, but still something to do when you need reassurance.

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