Monday, October 15, 2012

Last day of second trimester

Today is the last day of my second trimester. Crazy. Although each day seem to drag on, collectively, the days are flying by and I can't believe we're close to meeting the little one.

We had our 3D ultrasound on the weekend, which was a quick 10 minutes because we felt weird doing an "entertainment" thing for solely our benefit. But man, it was awesome. It's confirmed that BoomBoom is a girl, which I'm thrilled about. She was actually sucking on her knee the whole time - with a brief interlude to suck on the umbilical cord - so her face was covered and we didn't get a head-on shot. We did get a few profiles and it was extremely cool. It looks like she's got my (pointy) nose, poor girl, and we were actually amazed at how similar the print out photos are of my brother's son. I was initially a little disappointed that she was being stubborn, as she was for her first ultrasound too, but soon got over it when I fell in love with her face. Looks like we may have to invest in some pacifiers. She's a sucker for sure :)

There's been no improvement yet on the iron front, but I've heard it can take up to a few weeks to build up the store. I initially got the wrong kind of supplement, so have only been taking the high dose for 5 days. I'm hoping things will change soon. Thanks for your comments on the last post.

I've been thinking a lot lately about fertility. Since I've become pregnant, two of my good friends have also shared pregnancy news, as well as three colleagues in a relatively small office. So far, I'll be the first to give birth, if everyone goes full-term. I honestly don't know what I'd do had we not conceived and had we still been trying to get pregnant and I heard all of these announcements. Although it felt like forever at the time, we were actually incredibly lucky that we got pregnant in nine months of TTC. It was an incredibly tough road, but reading other people's journeys put everything into perspective. 

Unfortunately, when I couldn't get pregnant, I also couldn't let myself be happy for other people who got pregnant, no matter how close they were to me. I couldn't help it - I really wanted to, but couldn't find it in me. Selfish, maybe, but definitely something I felt I needed to do to get by.

Every time I'm on Facebook and see that my sister-in-law, who has four beautiful children, posts yet another status about how she can't wait until school starts so she doesn't have to deal with the kids all day or how there are too many mouths to feed or how she needs booze to get through the endless soccer games and gymnastic practises or how she should be paid for her incredible homemaking, I can't imagine reading this without crying every time. Her comments are heartbreaking and I wish I had it in me to tell her how it might be hurtful to people trying to conceive - or how much harder it was for me to read when I was trying to conceive - but so far, I haven't had the ovaries to do so. She thinks she's being funny. 

I feel similarly about people who update their statuses 5 times a day about their children, and though I do "get" this one a little more than bitching endlessly about your children, it's still tough sometimes. I am a big fan of STFU, Parents and use that as a good meter of what not to do when the time comes (I will not be updating my Facebook status during labour).

At work, I can't imagine what it would be like to see all these women around me grow beautiful, big bellies, when mine was just getting emptier. I realize I wouldn't have the strength to deal with these everyday meanderings - on social media or at work or within my group of friends - had I still been trying to conceive. I just don't know how this would look. Devon and I have one friend who refuses to see me right now, as it is too painful. She's been pregnant 5 times and has lost each and every baby. I understand why she wants to sever ties, but wonder whether I would do ever the same. But maybe this is the only way to deal with the pain.

I'm incredibly lucky that things worked out the way they did, and there isn't a day that goes by that I am not thankful. I think dealing with fertility setbacks has taught me a lot about how to deal with certain situations, and I am not that pregnant lady that won't shut up about every single aspect of her pregnancy. This blog is really the only place where I let loose about everything... and that's one of purposes of the blog for me, but I still feel horrible that there are some readers out there who are struggling to conceive, and here I am writing about how awful heartburn is. 

Puts things into perspective. Take care, everybody.

5 comments:

  1. I love your blogs Lex and am just so happy for you and Devon. Can't wait to see Boom Boom and you can post as many photos as you want. I will love all of them.

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  2. whoa, how are you in the 3rd trimester already? (and for that matter, how am i?!) doesn't it fly by?!

    i hear you on the gratitude, i am thankful on a daily basis to be out of ttc hell.

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  3. We're definitely VERY thankful that we were both able to conceive relatively easily. I think it's harder to hear others' happy news the more BFNs you've experienced. Definitely harder to listen to people complain about the children they are so lucky to have as well.

    Congratulations on reaching the third trimester. It won't be long now!

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  4. Happy third trimester!

    I think it's way easier to be happy for others when you are in a positive space yourself, especially when it comes to TTC.

    I love STFU, Parents :)

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  5. Happy 3rd trimester! I can't wait to be able to say I'm there with you. I love this baby: more than anything. I had a hard time conceiving her, and I'd give my own life for hers. That's not at all related to the fact that I'm miserable being pregnant. I'm afraid to say it to most people though, because people DO have trouble conceiving and I don't want to make that sting or sound like an ungrateful sod.

    I booked a 3D ultrasound to see my girl on November 3rd. I wasn't going to do it, but I figure this is my last pregnancy and I should do the fun stuff, like see her sweet face before she's actually born. Do you stare at your 3D pics of BoomBoom?

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