Monday, November 5, 2012

Things are so much better when she's here


[Please update your bookmarks/readers/blogrolls to the new site at www.crazylesbianmom.com.]
Call me codependent, I don't care. But when Devon is home, I do so much better. It's not that I don't like my alone time - because I do - it's just that I feel stronger and more sane when she's around. I like having her home.
Her quartet did incredibly well this week and placed 14th in the world. That means they get an automatic entry to sing in next year's international competition in Hawai'i. First family vacation! I'm incredibly proud of her, and really fucking sad that I couldn't be there to see her perform. I was watching on the webcast, but of course, the screen froze and by the time I refreshed, she was off stage.
I was doing okay at the beginning of the week and taking good care of myself. By Wednesday, the day they were competing, I just got really inward and sad that I wasn't there and my mood was definitely affected. Thursday, I went to prenatal classes alone and had the stand-in instructor as my labour coach, and hated not having her there. I guess that's when I really felt my mood slip a bit.
I'm usually pretty good about taking care of myself, but near the end of the week, I would get hungry and realize I hadn't fed myself or looked at the clock and it was 1 am and I hadn't thought about bed. It saddens me to think that I need another person here to do those things. It's not like she takes care of me, it's just that having another body in the room reminds me that there are things to do... if that makes any sense.
I thought the week alone with BoomBoom would strengthen our ties, but it wasn't until about Wednesday that I realized I hadn't said a word to her the whole week, or written in the journal I'm keeping for her. She probably recognized the voices from Long Island Medium and Intervention more than my own. Pretty sad.
I'm sure I would have pulled it together on my own, but god I'm glad she's home. I took the day off work today and we've just spent the last 12 hours in bed reconnecting. I miss her so much when she's gone.
Yeah... a little codependent.
I'm so happy too that she'll be able to put our family first for the next few months and not be so busy with her singing. There will still be lots of rehearsals and weekend retreats, but as she said last night... baby and family come first. And that is the plan. It's a good plan.

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