tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5081635647446244280.post2856737177900493723..comments2023-08-02T08:52:30.837-07:00Comments on Crazy Lesbian Mom: There are Two Sides to this StoryLexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08648625030466457125noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5081635647446244280.post-81091349242291161412011-01-27T12:10:24.602-08:002011-01-27T12:10:24.602-08:00Wow. I am late in responding to this, but I am in ...Wow. I am late in responding to this, but I am in almost the exact same boat. My wife, Also named D, is 40 and I am 34. I went through a long period where all I could think about was having a baby. She was not so much on board. She already went through it though, we have a 16 year old son, so she has a whole host of other reasons for not wanting to do it. It was tough, but I finally stopped feeling so much of this need a few months ago, and things have been really great. I'm not sure what happened, I just stopped feeling it. That's not to say I won't ever feel that need again, but for now it has diminished. The whole baby thing is the one and only thing we disagree about, and since I have taken a step back, I have realized that our life is pretty darn fantastic as it is, and I have been able to see the difficulties a baby may bring. I really know that baby haze though. It's a tough spot to be in, and I sympathize with you wholeheartedly. I wish you the best in getting what you hope for! (I'll stop hijacking your comments now:))Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5081635647446244280.post-9553897365475134752011-01-19T21:17:26.989-08:002011-01-19T21:17:26.989-08:00Hello - I wanted to write a quick note to let you ...Hello - I wanted to write a quick note to let you know I am thinking about you. I hope that you two are able to come to a decision that doesnt make either of you give up on a dream.<br /><br />I agree with the counseling idea - could never hurt.abmayfieldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06074001848829205055noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5081635647446244280.post-28297128820914177512011-01-19T05:41:30.486-08:002011-01-19T05:41:30.486-08:00Seems like lots of us have the same idea...discuss...Seems like lots of us have the same idea...discussing this with a couples counselor. I definitely suggest trying to do joint sessions with individual sessions between (if you guys can swing it). Sometimes just having the "neutral" space of your therapist's office is enough of a push to get out the things you might not otherwise say...and also creates an environment that is pretty conducive to not just hearing what your partner says...but listening to it. <br /><br />On a side note, it is important that you feel like your thoughts and emotions are valid. You aren't making D into a bad person...this is simply your space to express the feelings and emotions that you might not otherwise be able to express. We are here for you! <br /><br />I wish for you guys the best case scenario that works well for you both as individuals, as well as your couplehood as a whole. ;)A+Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13734493679026993507noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5081635647446244280.post-66647574335137668622011-01-18T15:32:00.993-08:002011-01-18T15:32:00.993-08:00I would second the couples counselor idea. When e...I would second the couples counselor idea. When each partner has something that is deeply important to her and there's this set up wherein one has to sacrifice their thing for the other to have her thing, it just seems like a recipe for disaster. I don't want either of you to regret or recent the decision. Of course I'm deeply biased, but I DO think you could work it out (school and baby). Strawberry's right - they're not babies for all that long and your family will find its routine.<br /><br />Fern and I aren't great examples since we don't have the actual baby, but Fern has been in grad school the whole time we've been ttc-ing. I won't lie - it's been incredibly difficult for her to stay on track (but she also has some other factors working against her in that department) while we've been dealing with this heartbreak. But we had worked out a scenario, once upon a time (back when we made plans) that allowed her to go to school, me to work, and the theoretical baby didn't even have to feed or bathe itself. It is possible but not if you're not both on the same page.<br /><br />Oh, also, I always keep in mind when reading blogs that I'm getting one side of the picture. I don't think D sounds like a villain at all.<br /><br />Good luck - I hope you can keep this conversation flowing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5081635647446244280.post-80458657079704705212011-01-18T13:30:24.798-08:002011-01-18T13:30:24.798-08:00Those are valid concerns. And I can see it from bo...Those are valid concerns. And I can see it from both sides- it being really difficult to parent and go to school full time, but also knowing that you *could* make it work (but certain things may suffer). <br /><br />I just started school again, but only only class per semester (since I work full time) and totally online, plus my kid is a toddler who sleeps well so I have plenty of time to do my classwork when he goes to sleep at 7pm. I can't imagine having the time and drive to do so when he was itty bitty, but then again, that doesn't last very long. <br /><br />Lots more for you both to discuss. I wonder if it might help to sort through these things with a couples counselor?Strawberryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00800336069786992859noreply@blogger.com