Tuesday, September 25, 2012

24 weeks and kicking my wife in the face

24 weeks along today, and belly is growing. I think the rest of me is growing too, unfortunately (mainly my ass and thighs). It's nice to hear from others - especially from the fingers behind All Things Relative - that they too struggle/have struggled with the weight gain. The batteries on my scale died during weigh-in this morning, so I have no idea how much I've gained this week. Maybe I'll take it as a blessing.

I've been a bit frustrated because although I've been feeling BoomBoom for well over a month now, Devon has yet to feel her. It seems every time the baby kicks and I call Devon over, the baby goes into hiding and stays still. Devon is fine with it, but I get frustrated, as I'm desperate to share the experience. Granted, to me, BoomBoom's kicks feel like I have a dying fish in my stomach, flapping it's tail (I know, but it's the most accurate I can come up with).

So last night, I went to bed and was lying with the covers off. I look down when I feel her start to kick, and I can see my skin stretch up and down exactly where I feel it from the inside. I know that most of you know what this feels/looks like, but for those who don't: It's fucking weird. Knowing that it could end any second, I didn't tell Devon to rush in, but did let her know that if her patience was good, she may be able to see the kicks.

Devon eventually came in, and of course, baby goes still. After waiting around for several minutes with no action, she lay her head down on my tummy and almost immediately, BoomBoom gives her a sweeping kick to the face. It was awesome and so funny to watch. Apparently, Devon could hear it really clearly with her ear to my belly. I love this stage and I can't wait until Devon can be more involved in the movements.

Work is kicking my ass, and yet again, I'm sick. I think this is the third or fourth bad cold back-to-back. My boss is not taking anything off my plate because she doesn't have much faith in my colleague, and though I'm getting praised up the yin-yang right now (which has never happened before), it's not helping my work load and is just making me resentful.

Part of me doesn't care, because I'm out of there in 12 weeks, 2 days, 19 hours and 37 minutes (not that I'm counting), but part of me really cares about finishing up projects that I have started and am invested in. I had a meeting with a client today about building her a website and she asked me what the plan was for my replacement... and my boss hasn't even told me what she plans to do about that.

I'm also incredibly distracted and work, and honestly, the things that used to take me a day take me three or four now and though I've tried to work on that, I really can't focus that well. I'm not beating myself up over it, but it does affect things.

Just have to figure out a balance of reading baby product reviews while writing key messages for doctors' speeches.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

See naked pictures of me online

My writing profs always told me to use catchy call-to-action titles. I'm not naked head-to-toe, but I have started a page containing updated photos of my baby bump. I'm happily faceless, as I figured I had enough trouble plastering my naked tummy on the world wide web for all to see. Thank God for anonymity. Here's a sneak preview:

I'm barely halfway through this pregnancy and I've already gained the lower end of the scale of the recommended weight gain for one's entire pregnancy. I'm not sure how to feel about it, as I am eating pretty decently and am trying to be as active as I can. As I've said before, I was small to begin with, so this is all a little foreign. I'm hoping that the weight gain slows down, even though all the books/websites/apps say to get ready for a big growth spurt / weight gain over the next couple of weeks.

I have a question for all of you who have ever changed your blog URL. I'm thinking about switching to Wordpress, though will probably buy a domain and just use Wordpress as my platform. I may even change the title of my blog (and the main URL), because, as I've written about before, this blog name doesn't suit me at all. I also want to get off Blogger, because I'd like to post pictures, but would like the added layer of privacy with the ability to do protected postings.

What I want to know about is whether you had a drop in your readership once you made the switch, and if so, whether people did eventually find you. I will probably do cross-posting for a while, and will make it very apparent on this blog that I've moved, but if people don't update their Google Readers, then I'm kind of shit out of luck. For those who care about search engine rankings, did your switch negatively affect this too? First world problems, I know, but problems I do care about.

Anyhoodle, things are going well. I'm still relishing in this feeling that BoomBoom is healthy and happy. I caved and booked a 10-minute 3D ultrasound for when I'm 26 weeks. We want to double check the gender, considering we never got the money shot, though I'm 99% sure she's a girl. Basically, it's just an excuse to see her again. I feel guilty telling my midwife that we plan on getting a scan, as I know it's not really recommended by health care professionals, but I figure 10 minutes is not going to hurt.

I started prenatal fitness classes last week and after I got over the feeling that everyone was smaller than I was - even the girl who was 32 weeks - it was pretty good. I had my doubts when the first 10 minutes was sitting on a yoga mat in a circle of 10 other women, doing kegal exercises while introducing ourselves ("pretend you are sucking a tampon into the core of your body" / "pull the anus up as close to the baby as possible"), but we did move on to some less awkward "fitness" like strength training and yoga. I'm hoping to meet some other moms in the neighbourhood while trying to sweat a little too.

My rib pain was getting really bad but I went to see an RMT on the weekend, who really helped with some of that. She actually specializes in breast massage (I wasn't sure whether or not to ask for a happy ending), and gave me some literature about it. I'm supposed to tell her next time I see her whether or not it's something I want. I'm open to it... but tell me... do I warn her about the spurts of colostrum that are randomly escaping my breasts these days?

Thank you for all of your feedback on doulas. We are looking into options. Devon feels really strongly about it, so we're going to try to find someone we can afford. Guess we better get on that.

Speaking of.... today marks the first day of my sixth month of pregnancy! Yikes.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

22 weeks calm... and a doula question

Today, BoomBoom is the size of a spaghetti squash and I am finally feeling her pretty consistently day-to-day. I love that feeling.

Although the 19/20-week ultrasound calmed my fears A LOT about the health of my baby, I expected the anxiety to creep back in within the week, as it has done after each time after I hear her heartbeat at the midwife's office. I am happy to say that almost three weeks after seeing my baby on the big screen, I have surprised myself with how calm I've been.

During these past three weeks, I've never questioned baby's health - not even for a second. I have this strange sense of calm for the first time in the entire pregnancy that I am welcoming with arms open. I'm sure that feeling her daily helps, because as long as I feel her move, I know she's alive, but it's more than that, somehow. To be realistic, this feeling may not last, but I am grateful that it's here for the moment, and love the fact that my stress is not getting passed through to my baby right now.

I've been struggling still with fatigue and start a prenatal fitness class tomorrow, which I am hoping will help with the energy. I just have to be committed to go, because I know it'll be the last thing in the world I want to do. We signed up for prenatal classes (pricey!) which start on October 11th, and I'm excited for that to start.

Also, we are currently trying to decide whether we want a doula or not for our birth. The only thing that is a deterrent is the cost (up to $1,000), otherwise it would be a no-brainer. I would love to hear from anyone about whether it was worth it to you or not and why.

The stats in our area are quite impressive with a much lower cesarean rate and much shorter delivery time and a prolonged time until a epidural is used (if at all).

Devon feels as though she needs a coach in the labour room, as it's just going to be the two of us and the midwife in there. I think I feel confident enough with a midwife only, but want to make sure that my wife feels supported too so that she can support me. Don't know where we're going to get the money if we decide on a doula, but if it's important enough to us, we'll make it work somehow.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

You know what's ridiculous?

This is ridiculous.

I decided today to look into daycares for February 2014, when I would need to return to work. Keep in mind that this is 18 months away. I've heard through media and some friends that it's tough to find a daycare in this city, so I figured I'd at least email a few places for more info.

There is a great daycare right across the street from my work, which would be perfect. It's just 10 minutes away from home too. I emailed the administrator and got a response with a document to fill out to be placed on the waitlist. The email wrapped up with the following:

"Please keep in mind that the waitlist for XXX childcare is 4.5 years"

Four and a half years??? You mean, my child can finally attend when she's old enough that she won't need to go to daycare anymore? What do people do? Call up and say, "So in about three and a half years, we plan on having unprotected sex. Can our future fetus get on the waitlist for your establishment?"

I thought this was a one-off, but several responses are coming back with similar time frames. It's also going to cost roughly 50% of my net profits per month at my current job to put my kid in daycare (and I make a decent salary). Is it worth going back to a job that I don't really like when I'd only be pocketing half my salary, when all I want to do is stay home and raise my kid?

Unfortunately, we live in one of the most expensive cities in the world. There was a recent survey by a Canadian bank which figured that owning an average house in my city takes 91% of ones salary. How is that sustainable? Makes me want to get up and move to a small town, but there, we will face other challenges as a queer family.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Cabin fever and calm

I thought maybe my 200th post would be a bit more newsworthy than this one, but no - I've just been lying on a couch for three days straight with a really bad cold, complete with a fever and chills. I'm feeling a little better today, but I think it's just moving from my sinuses back into my chest, where it seems all my colds end up. Damn that whole smoking for 10 years thing. I thought your lungs regenerated after being smoke-free after several years, but alas mine seem to continue to be weak.

I'm getting a little bit of cabin fever and probably should leave the house at some point. If I can't get out when it's 28 degrees celcius (~82 F) and not feeling great, I can imagine getting my ass out the door in January with a newborn when it's below zero is going to be tough. But I keep reading blogs about the necessity of leaving the house at least once a day when the baby comes, and I'm going to make that my goal, knowing full well that there will be days when it's just not going to be possible.

We saw our midwife on Thursday for our 20 week appointment to check on BoomBoom and everything looked good. Heartbeat was back up at 160 bpm and I was amazed that the midwife knew exactly where to put the doppler on the first go. She said she can feel where the baby is now, which I find quite incredible. She said that next time we go, she'll teach us how to find the baby's back, and if Devon lies with her ear right above the heart, she'll be able to hear the baby's heartbeat through my skin. That's pretty cool.

I've managed to keep this sense of calm since the ultrasound, which I'm honestly quite surprised about and am pretty proud of myself for allowing myself to feel that everything is going exactly how it should. My doppler, which I bought on a whim, is on it's way here and I don't think I'm going to even open the box. I'll probably keep it until the birth, in case I'm in a moment of panic and need to find a heartbeat, but I'd rather not expose BoomBoom to the radiation if I can help it (I know it's generally safe, but it's more principal). I'll sell it on Craigslist in the new year.

Whenever I feel like I'm being a crazy lady with things like this, I go on the pregnancy boards/forum and read posts by people even crazier than I am and it makes me feel normal.

Recent highlights include:
  • Is it safe to eat warm meals when I'm pregnant?
  • HELP! I just ate honey! Am I going to miscarry???
  • I know I'm only 4 weeks pregnant, but I haven't felt the baby kick. Is it dead?
  • I heard that swallowing your husband's sperm when you're pregnant may cause a reaction for the fetus. Should I spit?
At least I'm not that crazy...