I had my physical today and asked my GP for a referral to the clinic, which I was insanely nervous about. She’s quite awkward, actually, so between the two of us, it’s the awkward leading the awkward… which gets even more awkward if one of the awkward folks (me!) is butt naked.
I figured I'd get it right out of the way at the beginning of the appointment, before she was staring up inside of me. I didn't want to have the conversation through my legs, you know?
My voice was shaking, but I managed to get out "my partner and I want to start a family," a statement to which she a) didn't cower, b) didn't judge and c) responded positively, against all of my expectations.
She did respond positively at first... and then she took it upon herself to explain that I would have to find a donor (really? I had no idea! Earth shattering information!) and that I would probably need to find out if I ovulate (um... yeah, I've been tracking my ovulation - at least on paper - for a year), and that I would need to read up on how IUI works (oh god, lady, you have no idea).
I told her we were excited to get the ball rolling, to which she replied, "well hold on, it's going to take a while". Yeah, I got that. That's why we're eager to start the ball rolling... duh.
She suggested a clinic which we've heard (from a few gay friends) isn't too gay-friendly, and seemed a bit surprised when I handed over an intake form from the clinic we want to go to. She asked if I wanted to get started on blood tests, disease tests, etc., so I have about 3 pages of blood requests in my handbag, which I'll go do on the specific days of my cycle. She went over my head meds and was actually really impressed with how I've "slimmed down" and much against my expectations, didn't say anything about ME risking my baby's health.
All in all, she was okay, but one thing got to me. I guess she wanted to take it upon herself to tell me realistically how this was going to work and for me to get that this isn't a walk in the park.
"It will take some time," she says, "And it won't work the first time, and it will probably not work for a while, and then you may get pregnant and you have a high chance of miscarrying..." and then I phased her voice out.
I am not one to push positive thinking, but seriously? I get that miscarriage is a fact of fertility, but how 'bout you just write out your little referral and let me have my excited time without telling me all the bad things I should start to expect.
At least she won't be my OBGYN, I guess.
BUT ANYWAY... another step closer!