Saturday, October 23, 2010

You may say I'm a dreamer....

... but I'm not the only one.

Mr. Lennon was onto something.

Imagine if John was around today. I wonder if he'd have a blog. I wonder whether he would find solace in the fact that there are other bloggers out there who were peace activists and musicians, who had  homosexual managers that were attracted to them. Bloggers who wrote about being married to famous cello players. Maybe even bloggers who were later murdered.

When I went to New York 6 years ago, I had to visit Strawberry Fields - if not for my love of the Beatles, for my dad's lust of the Beatles. I didn't imagine (no pun intended) I would become emotional at the sight of the Imagine mosaic in Central Park, but I did. Maybe it was a time in my life where I was imagining the future... actually, I know that it was. I was imagining what it would be like to get married to the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

Back to Lennon and the blogosphere. What I'm learning as a relatively new blogger is that there seems to be someone out there writing something that speaks to what you're going through. Most of the time.

I updated my blogroll today with great suggestions from three particular blogs: An Offering of Love, Insert Metaphor (awesome blog), and Schroedinger's Womb. Most are either blogs of gay women who are trying to conceive (TTC - new acronym to me!), who already have children (and seem to post endless photos of them... some even write about their poo, take pictures of their packed lunches, explain their three hour bedtime routine and update daily on how it went - some of this seems a little overboard, but in all honesty, if I ever have a kid, I'd probably do the same...) And then there are the bloggers who are trying and trying and trying to have a baby and are can't conceive. My heart goes out to all.

I have only yet found one lesbian mom who write about her mental illness: A Day in the Life of a Bipolar Turtle, though it is dedicated mostly to bipolar and not necessarily to how it affects being a mom.

I imagine that there are other depressed lesbians that want babies, but I haven't found a blog devoted to that yet, and it made me wonder whether the stigma of carrying a child while on medication has anything to do with it.

Though not my first choice, I will not come of all of my medications if I am going to get pregnant. It would not end well. I would not end well. And many out there may think that is selfish and hurtful to my non-existent fetus, but the literature is out there and it's interesting: it's not as risky as you may think.

It was mental health awareness week a couple of weeks ago, but nobody knew about it. It's a cluster of diseases which still go unnoticed and ignored, because it's crazy, right? Even I have my major concerns about pregnancy on medication, but I would never put my child at serious risk. And if it is a serious risk, I won't do it.

John Lennon: Maybe you wouldn't have found a blogger who wrote about their cello-playing, peace activist partner. And maybe I won't find a blogger who is a lesbian, clinically depressed, on medication, and ready and willing to get pregnant.

But I can imagine.

If you are out there, I'd love to hear from you...


  1. Thanks for your comment.

    Fern was on antidepressants before we started ttc and stopped them before our first try because it felt like the best decision for her at the time. After a couple of years of trying, though, she needed to go back on them. We did more research and Fern met with a doctor specializing in women's mental health and fertility/pregnancy and, as you say, a lot of the research really shows there's no harm during pregnancy with certain drugs. In fact, being on certain antidepressants while pregnant puts you at much less risk of doing harm to the fetus than being depressed while pregnant (which can lead to early labor, among other things). Learning all of this was eye opening and we wish we had known it at the beginning. Fern regrets going off the drugs in the first place because the years of infertility have been hard enough to cope with without this extra barrier.

    That said, I can't claim I write much about mental illness in my blog and I recognize that there is a hole there in our blog corner. But, having been around the blog block for a few years, I know of a few women in the lesbian mom/ttc circle writing who struggle with depression/mental illness. It might not be the main theme of their blogs, but it comes up and they are out there. I think if you stick around and get to know folks, you'll find them.

    All this is a long-winded way of saying, I'm glad you're putting your voice out there and I look forward to hearing more!

  2. Thank you so much.

    I'm looking forward to meeting new people going through similar things.

    Thank you for your insight with your own experiences - it is always really nice to hear from people who have experience with meds/mental illness and pregnancy.

    I have to say I am enjoying your blog very much, and I too look forward to hearing more.

    Take care ~ CLM.

  3. Hi! We're one of those TTC/adoption blogs of lesbians who have been trying and trying and trying. sigh. anyway, my DW is on medication for fairly severe anxiety & depression. She tried the first 10 times to conceive. Her Dr. basically said the same thing about how having a heappy healthy mom helps create a happy baby and it wasn't worth it for either of them for my DW to go off those meds before TTCing. Although if she'd been able to carry to term, she might have weaned off them a bit in the third trimester. But I don't talk a lot about this on our blog because that's her business and I'm the only one who writes the blog. But I hope you find the support you seek. I know how important it has been to me to find others going through what we're going through.

  4. Hi there. Found a comment of yours on another blog and here I am! Dunno if you've read our blog. My wife and I have an almost 18 month old son and yes, our most recent entry was about his poo. sigh. But anyway...hi :)

  5. Hey C ~ Thank you so much for your words. It's good to know there are others out there (or not, but you know what I mean). I look forward to reading about your journey.

    Strawberry ~ you're hilarious, and hi. I see poo reading in my near future. Will definitely check it out ;-)

  6. Hi there! I am not trying to get pregnant, but do write about depression/bipolar, my lesbian life, and tugs at my heart strings for mommyhood. I look forward to reading all 4 of your blogs.