Tuesday, July 5, 2011

I've Been Lying To You

















It's funny, I've read a few of your posts where you tackle the question "Explain the Name Behind Your Blog" and those post always make me think. Truth be told, I actually don't like the name of my blog. And I don't know what to do about it.

Firstly,  I don't identify with the word "lesbian" - I actually hate being called a lesbian and have always spoken of myself as, and identified with, the word "gay". All of my friends have a silent understanding that they will not utter the "L" word in my presence, when it is in the context of me. No offense to the lesbian race... I just don't like the word for me.

Secondly, although I initially liked the "crazy" addition, I think this blog has grown out of the humour-based writing that I started with. I try to be an advocate for mental health and it bothers me when people misuse and abuse the crazy label (though I think there is a fine balance between having a sense of humour about depression (is that possible?) and treating it with the respect it warrants). Anyway, it was flippant, and now I'm not so sure.

Thirdly - and this is twofold - in real life, I use the word "mum," not "mom". I will never be called "mom" by anybody. I'm originally from Britain, and grew up with my mother being "mum" and I'd like to keep that going down the bloodline. Also, I'm not a mother anyway. Yet. I hope to be soon, but not yet. False advertising.

So why the hell did I name my blog "Crazy Lesbian Mom"? Honestly? Because I have worked in web marketing and know search engines pretty well. Because I wanted to be found by other lesbian moms, so I named myself as an easily-searchable one. Because "Clinically Depressed Gay-Identified Woman-Who-Wants-To-Be-A-Mum-One-Day" wasn't an option (not that it was taken, or anything). I just wanted to make sure that I was found and that I stood out for other people who were looking for the same support network that I wanted to belong in. And I wanted to be memorable.

But it doesn't really feel like "me".

I think it's too late to change though, because I fear that if I change something that drastic, I will lose people. It's hard enough for me to make a visual change. And maybe it's my experience with failure at re-branding products for selling stuff. Perhaps I need to get my business head out of this.

I've already started to change the way I leave comments on other people's blogs by introducing my name as well as my blog name - usually "~Lex (Crazy Lesbian Mom)". I hope to drop the parenthesis soon so that I will start being known and remembered as just "Lex".

I don't even have that many visitors to the blog - and my visitor count is actually dropping - which is why I feel as though I can't lose anyone. Have any of you gone through a drastic change that can provide me with some insight? I know some of you have moved over to Wordpress for privacy, but I think all of you have kept the same blog name. Also, does anyone else regret their choice of blog name?

What's even more funny is that yes, I get traffic to the site, but do you know how many people end up on my blog after searching for "hot lesbian mom walks in on crazy sex party with twins"?? (or something along those lines). If there is one good thing about this blog name, it's that I take sick pleasure in the fact that a bunch of dudes are ending up on a boring lesbian's TTC blog when they're looking for some crazy-ass porn.

On a less important note, but still important to me: The baby shit brown colours of this blog make me think of... well, baby shit brown. And the colour of hospital psych ward walls. For those reasons alone, I really do want to change the look of this blog, though I'm having a few reservations. I keep a whole lot of people on my blogroll (I feel that it's important to keep updating it) and when I visit other blogs directly, I love it when the layout and look of the site helps me differentiate between the blogs I read. It's the immediacy of "that's Olive / Strawberry / Pom" rather than the "who dat? ohh, I remember now." Maybe people remember me as baby shit brown. Hmm... even more reason to change things. 

I don't know.

9 comments:

  1. I forget how I came across your blogalog, but I found it when my partner and I were talking and thinking (again) about starting a family and I've been a regular reader for 6 months or so... Lesbian is a bad fit for me too, partly because my partner (of 10 years) is genderqueer and partly because I have (happily) been with men in the past. Crazy is a bad fit too because I am well at the moment and for the last year or so. Mom - well, I'm not even officially TTCing, just thinking about it. And I'm Australian so one day I'll be Mum too... But when I think about getting pregnant those are the two biggest challenges - how to overcome the inherent hurdles of a non-male partner and the hurdles caused by mental illness. So I saw crazylesbianmom and thought - shit, that's me! I think this crazy+lesbian+wantingafamily combo is very particular. It is complex and difficult - and I am grateful that you have so generously shared your journey and struggles through it wil all of us.

    So, I guess what I'm saying is thank you. Yes, find a way to name your blog that is comfortable for you. Forget about the porn-seeking boofheads. Yes, try to stay searchable, because people like me who may also not really be lesbian or crazy or moms need to be able to find you. And try not to worry about audience stats. Maybe most people read you now, as I do, via RSS, and those stats wont show up.

    Thanks again,
    Cate

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  2. Hey Cate,

    Thank you so much for your message - that's really important for me to hear and I appreciate you sharing that you connected to the name. It is a funny and complex journey and I'm so grateful to have found this space/place and feel very blessed that you shared your gratefulness - much appreciated. Best of luck on your journey, and thanks for checking in! Take care ~ Lex.

    Take care ~ Lex

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  3. Have you considered changing the name and look of the blog without changing the URL? A very popular blog I read did just that at some point - she started out as a bipolar blog (Bipolar Blast) and ended up as a resource for mental wellness in general (Beyond Meds), but her URL is still bipolarblast.wordpress. It doesn't seem to have hurt her, in fact, I'm quite sure it helped her to change the name to stay in line with her eventual direction.

    As for the porn surfers, sing it! I get at least a few hits each day from folks looking for mom porn, lesbian porn, or lesbian mom porn. All because my tag line is "Bipolar. Lesbian. Mom." It ooged me out at first, but now it makes me smile a slightly evil smile. ;)

    Anyway, I would say follow your gut on this and do what feels right - as long as you don't make it too tricky to stay in the loop, I think your readers will stick around (if you do lose anyone, you'll likely gain even more in getting on a track that feels like a better fit).

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  4. I love your blog and any name you give it will keep me interested. Try changing up the blog surface. I have friends who have switched colors and themes all the time.

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  5. I say go ahead and change it. We're all reading anyway, and the new people you get will still find you. It's more important that you feel happy with the work you're doing. In my case, I wish I had chosen a different url (since not even my wife can remember it) but I'm not searchable, so what few people read me seem to do so because I read them.

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  6. I agree with the others and think you should change it to something you feel more comfortable with. Every few months I get restless and feel like changing things about the blog (the parenting one and another more personal one I have) and that's just because of a shortened attention span I think. If I didn't feel like they "fit" me, I would change them in a heartbeat.

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  7. Honestly, I'd recommend not thinking about it as a rebranding. You're a person, not a product! If you don't like the way your blog's layout looks or the title of your blog, just change it. You'll feel more comfortable.

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  8. ditto everyone else who says go ahead and change it. i didn't change my name, but i had to totally change my look when i moved. i miss the old look sometimes, but never regret my choice to move.

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  9. I connected immediately with the name of your blog--oh, she's dealing with similar stuff that I am. No, those words don't define either one of us, but they do act as a shorthand to find some commonality. I soon knew that "crazy" was a tongue-in-cheek reference.

    Do whatever you feel comfortable with--and I certainly wouldn't worry about changing colors, etc. We'll keep reading!

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