Monday, October 3, 2011

Can't Shake This Feeling

I don't know how to get over what I'm feeling and I need to, else this is going to break me down.

Nothing felt right about this month's insem. Though I really want to feel positive, I haven't been able to get in that mindset yet. Last month, I was living the "pregnant until proven otherwise" theory, which worked for me. After Saturday's IUI, I can't help but shake this yucky feeling. The timing felt wrong. None of my other fertility signs pointed to "yes". CM has been sticky for a week, BBT shows no dips or peaks, OPKs were negative before I took the trigger shot. I overheard the senior doctor in the clinic tell my doc (as they were looking over my chart) that the trigger "won't make a difference anyway". The IUI hurt and I was too focused on the pain to even think about what was happening.
But I can't be like this for another two weeks. It's going to kill me. Devon told me to talk to her about how I'm feeling, just to get it out of my body, but I don't want to be a Debby Downer, especially when she's working so hard to stay positive.

I know I have to really believe there is a chance I'm pregnant, but I'm having a tough time. How do I kick this feeling so that I can stay sane for this 2WW? Any experiences to share?










7 comments:

  1. I have no advice but it took me a year to get pregnant with my first son (I was only 23) and no issues. My second son one month so go figure. Just plan activities to try and keep your mind off it. Why would they give you a trigger is it won't make a difference anyway? Maybe they were talking about someone else. It will happen but you just have to let it go. Hard I know but I got used to being negative until I wasn't.

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  2. Based on what you wrote about the u/s, I would think trigger would not matter because your eggs were already maturing on their own. Besides that, I second the distraction part. People have textbook cycles that fail and stranger cycles that succeed and at this point there is nothing you can really do about any of it. That being said, I know that knoowing something and feeling something is true can be very different and I wish you as much peace as possible over the next week and a half.

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  3. i agree that the trigger comment probably was due to your body maturing the eggs on it's own = no trigger necessary.

    it's hard to wait, so so hard. distractions are good - plan fun things for the weekend, lots of light tv/movies, etc.

    and remember, you had TWO beautiful follies :)

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  4. I know so so many people that found out that they were pregnant on a month that they thought would absolutely not work. Devon is right, you do need to talk to her. Even if it's negative and you feel like you're being a downer, it's really important to keep talking and being honest with each other. It will help you get it out and I bet she'll be even more positive.

    I know how it feels to be unsure about it and that's ok. Some days I feel absolutely pregnant and the next, I feel absolutely NOT pregnant. The TWWs are absolutely maddening. Take deep breaths, make some space for yourself everyday and try to relax and visualize this one working. When it's the right egg, it'll happen. I keep telling myself that about ours too. Our baby is just not ready yet. I hope yours find you guys soon too. :)

    Hugs!

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  5. You just have to keep busy and try your best not to focus on it. Your obsessing and worrying will not change the outcome :) The time we thought it didn't work (the timing was weird, she didn't have signs), we went and purchased 3 more vials. That was money wasted...we were pregnant. You never know.

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  6. No advice, just sympathy. I know exactly how you feel. Hugs.

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  7. There are sooo many stories out posted by bloggers who, like Strawberry, got their BFPs on the one month they thought all was lost. It's such a ridiculously imperfect science. You just never know why one cycle works when another doesn't.

    I second (third?) the suggestion of distractions. Plan as many outings and activities as you possibly can. It really will make the time pass more quickly. Hang in there!

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