Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Cocktails & Dreams

I went to my witch doctor today. My chronic pain is bad again, but she thinks it has everything to do with withdrawal from anxiety meds. That, along with the dizziness, shaking, night sweats, headaches, bladder and digestive issues... just a few of the lovely things I am dealing with coming off this damn medication. I hope to God that if I do have to come off any more of my meds, it won't be this hard.

That said, I have had no anxiety symptoms is over two weeks. AND, I have slept. I actually feel somewhat normal again (despite the dizziness, shaking, night sweats, etc.) Devon and I are still sleeping apart, which sucks and I miss her. She's going away for work soon and when she comes home, I just really really want us to share the same space throughout the night. Part of me feels like we're living as roommates right now, because we're so busy working all day and then we just part ways and head to our separate bedrooms at night. Not really a great intimacy builder. 

I think the worst of the withdrawal is over, and I still can't believe it's taken this long. Over six weeks since my last .25 mg and this shit still isn't out of my system. Powerful stuff. I really do hope that if my reproductive psychiatrist tells me to come off more of my meds, it won't be this hard. I just can't imagine actively TTCing through this - and I could take a few years to come down off some of my meds if I did them one at a time. 
I'm on a wait list to see the new repro shrink. She's apparently a good personality match for me, which will be nice. I'm anxious to hear what she thinks about the cocktail I'm on and I hope she dives right in and gives me a plan that will make the most sense for the health of a baby and my health combined.

But really, a lot of it has to be a wild guess. I can't imagine there are many patients - especially going through one office - who are on the exact cocktail of meds and are going through with a pregnancy. I imagine the docs base it on expertise to a certain degree, but it's not like there is study after study of women before me. It's just not that cut and dry. If I was on your average dose of Prozac once a day, it would be one thing. But I'm not. Nothing about my illness is average.

So I dive into this a little blind and choose to trust, because that's all I can really do besides be as healthy as I can going in and controlling what I actually can control. 

First I have to get that H.S.G test. Damn. Seriously, how bad does it hurt?

1 comment:

  1. The HSG is not so bad... Although, I think it varies by person. for me, it didn't hurt during. The extra fluid in my system hurt a bit after but just in a mildly crampy way...