Monday, April 25, 2011

Telling the Parents 101

With Easter come and gone, this year more than ever, religion has been on my mind. I wrote a story about my crazy religious past and how it has affected my adulthood... and how it may affect the way I bring up my child. Religion is such a great issue, and on The Next Family site, you'll see many many people who are in similar boats when it comes to the topic of religion. Great reads all around.

We spent Easter with my parents, one of my brothers, and his wife and four kids. There was no Jesus, just the Easter bunny. Visiting my parents is always a bit difficult for me, as I have a tendency to collapse into myself when my mother is around (I'll save our relationship for another post!) but I really did keep true to myself this weekend, and didn't back down around her, which I was both surprised about and grateful for. I am practicing for when it is time to tell my parents about Devon and I trying to have a baby. 

I imagine the conversation will go something like this:
Me: Mum, we're going to have a baby.
Mum: No, you will not! Are you crazy?!
Me: Yeah, you're right. Okay, okay... we won't.


But a little help on how to break the news?? This is still a big one for me, and I've yet to figure out the words. We had such a hard time five years ago when we told them we were getting married. And that was "just" marriage. This is a baby. A baby that I hope my mum will be game to have be a part of her life.

They came around with the wedding. I hope that they will do the same for a grandchild.


  1. Just tell it and leave no room for discussion. Start by saying what I am about to tell you is a done deal and nothing she says will change your mind but only hurt you so save those feelings for others and only be positive then lay it on her. She will hopefully, hug you and get used to this news as well as she did with the marriage.

  2. I'd wait until you're actually pregnant, if you can. It's a lot harder for them to be negative about something that is already happening, and also it won't give you room to take the negative reaction and back down from your desire to be a parent.

  3. If you need to add anything else to your declaration, maybe it should just be that you are an adult and you wouldn't make a decision like this lightly. Really, there is no room for argument since it IS your life after all.

  4. I think it really depends on how close you are to them and how much support you may expect through the TTC process. The more you want the sooner and the more open you should be. My Mama and I are tight so we told her about a year ago that we were starting the process. I never really presented it that I was looking for approval just that I wanted them to know (but of course, approval feels nice). My Mom was then concerned with how we would tell the rest of the family and their reactions. I knew that might be something on her mind so I think she was happy we told her before we would just show up pregnant. It gave her time to come to terms with how she would deal with everyone else knowing too.

    Their curiosity about our process sparked a lot of discussion and it was helpful to be able to ask about my Mom's own fertility history without beating around the bush about why. We had my parents over for a nice dinner at home when it was just the four of us and discussed it with them first. They really appreciated the openness and I think it was much easier to tell them in in that environment. They might need time to come around like they did for your wedding and giving them space to do so could go a long way for their enthusiasm level in the future.