Sunday, April 10, 2011

The Other 50%

Thank you for all of your comments on my Canadian sperm bank post ~ definitely more things to look into. We are close(ish) to the States, so it is a possibility to cross the border and have a day of sperm bank debauchery. We laughed at the possibility of heading down, renting a motel off the side of the highway, having sperm delivered there, inseminating in the motel room, wait for a bit and drive home... sounds dirty. And plausible, actually. I can't imagine going through the border with a mobile freezer full of swimmers. Would give those border guards something to talk about, at least. Failing that, we pay the extra money to import. (Thanks Allison for the cost breakdown).

As for choosing a donor, we're a bit stuck. Obviously, the child would have 50% of my genes (really? Wow Lex, thanks for enlightening us ;) It's funny though - Devon and are are extremely similar in our character traits: we're both extremely musical, pretty artsy, similar sense of humours, we're both creative and use the right sides of our brains far more than the left. I am (or was) very athletic earlier in my life - like playing sports at a national level. Devon wasn't sporty, but was more into theatre and music. I had a really rounded interest in music, creative arts and such. Basically, aside from my old sporty self, we're art nerds.

So, with both sides being very similar, it's funny what goes through our heads. Do we pick a donor that is more interested in sciences and math so the kid rounds out? Or do we pick a donor that really is artsy and hope our kid ends up able to do long division (not that kids do long division anymore, really)? My first priority is to find someone who is as close to Devon as possible, so my gut says go with the artsy donor. And really... who says the kid is going to end up getting the creative genes anyway - it will probably grow up to love calculus and astrophysics just to spite us. Friends of ours had a baby last year - the bio mom is white and the "other" mom is native. They went with a native/african american donor and the kid ends up with blond hair and blue eyes. Figures...

I do want to find a donor who is similar in look to Devon. A few posts ago, I did talk about finding someone with her heritage (Eastern European), but in all honesty, she doesn't have an Eastern European look. We talked about it this week, and she said she was happy to go with someone with a different background. It's Canada... there are so many different looking people here.

It's a bit frustrating because I want a bit of Devon in that kid, and that's not going to happen. A long time ago, we talked about using her brother's sperm, but it just didn't sit right - there are just too many layers to that. So I think we'll probably use the facial matching that some banks offer. Although there isn't a male version of Dev out there, I want to come as close as possible. I want to look into my baby's eyes and see my wife... somehow. I know Devon will love that kid regardless of how it looks, but I want to do everything I can to make it so that she does add the other 50% - through avenues outside of biology - to our future child.


  1. Well, if nothing else, you and Devon have options (US vs shipping to Canada), and that's pretty nice...rather than being pigeon-holed into one firm & set option. :)

    K & I have recently really been discussing what attributes we want in our donor (I, of course, want a donor who will in someway resemble K so that we all look alike)...but she doesn't seem to care as much about that. She really wants a "well-rounded and seemingly normal" donor. I agree with what you said...there's a lot that our NGP can offer to help shape the lives of our future children outside of genetics!

  2. Ironically, my daughter looks like my partner, a LOT! We get comments all the time about how much she looks like her mama! Our doc said, "I delivered this baby. I SAW her come out of YOU. But she looks JUST LIKE HER!" Genetics are funny!

  3. I just wanted to let you know that we are following your blog now!

  4. Love all your thought processes Lex.

  5. I'm new to your blog, so a bit late on commenting on this post, but my partner and I spent years first trying to adopt, then trying to get pregnant...and eventually going back to adoption. We did the whole donor debate thing but I have to say, our daughter (who we adopted) has neither of our genes, and definitely has some mannerisms and facial expressions from each of us, making her "look like us", although in terms of eyes, hair, mouth, etc, she looks nothing like us. To be honest, you love them so much, I really don't think you see anything but them - she is her perfect self. Some days after she goes to sleep, I realize I haven't really looked at her face in its entirety because I've been reading her eyes or watching her chew with her new teeth or laughing at her smooshing her ears up with her hands.

    So I guess what I'm saying, is that you'll probably see your partner in your baby regardless 'cause she'll crinkle her eyes the same way when she laughs, or he'll blow kisses with your partner's puckered lips.