I went to my shrink this evening to get a referral to a reproductive psychiatrist and I left with a prescription for Trazadone.
I don't know whether I'll fill it. I don't think I will, but I took it from him so I could have some time to think about it. It would not be to take as an everyday medication. It would be to take once or twice to finally get some sleep.
Since coming off the anti-anxieties completely, I have battled middle insomnia (waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to fall back to sleep). I usually don't sleep that long on weekdays on the best of days - about 5-6 hours - but I have always "caught up" by sleeping 8, 9, 10 hours on one day on the weekends. That's what keeps me (relatively) sane for many, many years. Without those blessed weekend days, I am feeling completely wired and exhausted at the same time.
Coming off meds sucks.
And it may not make sense to take another medication to deal with the side-effects, but when it is a physical dependence, I don't know when there will be an end in sight.
I just don't want to feel like I'm taking steps backwards. So, I have the prescription in my bag, I will not fill it for now, but I will know it is there.
As for the reproductive psych referral, I didn't ask him whether he did it last week, because I felt uncomfortable (see my post the other day on my trouble asking for thing - especially when it comes to doctors). But I thought about the comments you left, and I used them to work through all the icky feelings and just ask the simple question.
His answer? "I forgot".
Awesome. And now, you are reminded and I will be following up. (I even called the clinic today too... but - no answer there and I didn't want to leave a message. I felt like I couldn't call back. I will tomorrow).