Monday, March 7, 2011

Wake Me When This Part Is Over

I went to my shrink this evening to get a referral to a reproductive psychiatrist and I left with a prescription for Trazadone.

I don't know whether I'll fill it. I don't think I will, but I took it from him so I could have some time to think about it. It would not be to take as an everyday medication. It would be to take once or twice to finally get some sleep.

Since coming off the anti-anxieties completely, I have battled middle insomnia (waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to fall back to sleep). I usually don't sleep that long on weekdays on the best of days - about 5-6 hours - but I have always "caught up" by sleeping 8, 9, 10 hours on one day on the weekends. That's what keeps me (relatively) sane for many, many years. Without those blessed weekend days, I am feeling completely wired and exhausted at the same time.

Coming off meds sucks.

And it may not make sense to take another medication to deal with the side-effects, but when it is a physical dependence, I don't know when there will be an end in sight.

I just don't want to feel like I'm taking steps backwards. So, I have the prescription in my bag, I will not fill it for now, but I will know it is there.

As for the reproductive psych referral, I didn't ask him whether he did it last week, because I felt uncomfortable (see my post the other day on my trouble asking for thing - especially when it comes to doctors). But I thought about the comments you left, and I used them to work through all the icky feelings and just ask the simple question.

His answer? "I forgot".

Awesome. And now, you are reminded and I will be following up. (I even called the clinic today too... but - no answer there and I didn't want to leave a message. I felt like I couldn't call back. I will tomorrow).


  1. Good for you that you spoke up. See if you hadn't you would be waiting when it wasn't even done. :)
    I take 50mg of Trazadone for over a year and it has worked wonders for my sleeping. It doesn't put you to sleep but keeps you asleep. No hangover when you wake up and no side effects. It was used in the 40's for psychotics I believe at 600-700 mgs but they found that at 25-50 he worked great for sleeping plus it can't hurt for depression either as it was used for that too. It has been around for 70 years so I assume all the studies have been done.

  2. Coming off medication is akin to alcohol withdrawal (according to my brother who was a raging alcoholic for 18 years). I'm sorry to hear about your insomnia.

    I'm SLOWLY weaning off Klonopin so I can use it as it's supposed to be used instead of daily.

    I found your blog through Rock Paper Shut Up and I'm enjoying it.

  3. Hang in there! Thinking of you often!

  4. Just found your blog and so glad I did! I can relate to SO much of what you've written in this post and I plan on reading back a bit!

  5. Lex - Good for you!! You should be really proud of yourself! Each time you stand up, in any small way, it will slowly become easier and easier.

    As for the sleep, yes, getting back on track is obviously a must. I've not had the insomnia that comes with withdrawal, but of course wicked insomnia comes with bipolar mania...and then not sleeping makes the mania worse, etc. In my most desperate moments, the only things that worked for me were a homeopathic remedy called Similasan Sleeplessness Relief (avail on Amazon - you can take doses every 15 minutes until it works, and when I wake in the middle of the night, it always does the trick), and the second thing is called EFT (emotional freedom technique).

    I'm full of resources and referrals, so feel free to drop me a line any time. Or feel free to ignore me. :)

    (Thanks again so much for sharing so openly on my last's so crucial to get stories like yours out there to change the system and stop the use of ECT!)

  6. I'm glad you asked for the follow-up. Just keep telling yourself that you're only asking him to do his job--referring you to a specialist isn't going out of his way, so asking him to do it is ok. And if you need sleep meds occasionally that's ok, too. It's hard to get off all of those medications if you've been on them a long time--be kind to yourself.

  7. So you're going completely off meds while TTC? I'm impressed. I know people who have, but most people I know have stayed on their meds. If we move ahead with my partner for our next child, I know she'll be staying on meds.