Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Another happy moment ruined

My best friend told me last night that she's pregnant after 4 months of trying. She's only 5 weeks into it, and with the exception of her mom and sister, I'm the only one who knows. It's such a weird feeling being simultaneously so thrilled for her and so sad for me. It feels awful not to feel 100% happy about such an amazing milestone. Obviously with her, I was ecstatic, and showed no sign of the hurt that I was feeling.

She told me to hurry up and have a baby so that we could have mat leave together (it's a year in Canada). I smiled and said that would be amazing... which it would be... but it's hard not to think about how small a chance there is for that scenario. If Devon and I are lucky enough to start trying at the end of August and lucky enough to get pregnant on the first try, then yes – it’s doable, and I want to go into this with positivity. Maybe I just have to work on that.

It's not a nice feeling to feel so sad after a joyous announcement, and it's a bit of an eye opener that there is going to be a lot more of this type of thing. I can imagine it just gets harder when you are actually going through the TTC process. 

But hey – at least I got her extra ovulation strips that she doesn’t have a need for anymore.


4 comments:

  1. Ugh. it's hard--hard to be happy and hard not to be angry with yourself for not being happy. But even if your mat. leaves don't overlap, you'll still have kids that are close enough to play together!

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  2. Lex, such honest feelings. Everyone has them for something. Read Shannon's blog today about her friend who got thin. Up on thenextfamily.com

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  3. Oh Lex, I know right where you are on this one! It does get harder when you start trying and I'm jealous every single time another of my friends pops up pregnant. Especially when it's accidental or happens very fast for them. Somehow it's easier when it's another gay family or they've been trying for a while it's not as bad. That gives me hope. I can sympathize and I'm glad it's finally worked for them. The jealousy is one of the hardest emotions I've found to deal with. I plan on blogging about it myself soon. Sounds like you dealt with it in the best way possible and were excited for her in person. Keep finding that silver lining. Think about hand-me-downs and maternity items you won't have to buy. You'll learn from her pregnancy and parenting trials and be that much more awesome about it when you do get there!

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  4. There were a number of pregnancy announcements from close friends during our year of ttc and they are so hard. I too think you handled it in the best possible way but also know how hard it is to be positive and happy in those situations, My best childhood friend got pregnant on their first month trying while on vacation in the bahamas. I didn't take it quite so well but now we will have babies a month apart which will be wonderful. I wish for you early success and an easy ttc journey.

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