Friday, September 16, 2011

No One Hit Wonder Here

We decided to POAS on Wednesday evening if AF hadn't come by then. It was 12dpo and though it was early, we knew to take the results with a grain of salt. We also knew that because of the trigger shot, we had a high chance of having a false positive. We were ready for that.

I don't know if I was ready for a big stark white empty space, but that's what stared back at us. I'd been pretty psyched because the nurse said I'd probably get my period Sunday-Tuesday because of the shot and I hadn't yet. Dev asked if she could look at the test first, which I actually appreciated.

We were both a little sad at the result, but knew there was no finality to it. When Devon suggested we test the next day, I said I'd rather wait until Friday, when we're supposed to test.

No less than one hour later, I went pee and AF had arrived. And I don't know if it's just the emotions or what, but it seems to be an extra painful, heavy period. Adding insult to injury.

At least we know, right? But it was tough. I wanted to those of you who commented and those who noted that the first 2WW is the hardest - it was really good to hear. Part of me was thankful that we actually got a chance to do an HPT because I feel like that's an integral part of this experience. I don't think I'm as crushed as I thought I would be, and I think that's partly attributed to reading the blogs that I read and recognizing that this process is rarely short and sweet for people. But I'm still incredibly sad and Devon is too, but we will pick up and focus on next month. We have to.

What I didn't expect is how annoyingly persistent friends are in asking about the status of the pregnancy. That's one of the reasons this blog is so great, because most readers understand - and I have no problem whatsoever updating people on this medium. After yesterday, I wish I hadn't told a soul (outside of here) that we'd had our IUI. It's hard enough mourning the loss as a couple, but having to tell other people, who are pushy and ask flat out if I'm pregnant, is painful. My sister-in-law asked yesterday when I was over at her house and I lied and said "I don't know yet". She told me to take a damn test already and call her right away. I am realizing that although I appreciated the energy sent to me on the day of the IUI, I can't be answering the pregnancy question month after month. I know everyone's intentions are fantastic... I guess I'd just hoped for some privacy. I had no idea how hard it is, and I haven't even told anyone yet. I'm dreading it. I've learned my lesson, and will not be so open with the specific dates going forward.

My best friend has texted me every day this week asking for news.

And guess what I get to do tonight? Go to a dinner party at said best friend's house and listen to her announce to our group of friends that she's pregnant.

The only good part about this BFN is that I can drink to get through this evening. Plus, then people will figure it out on their own and I won't have to tell them.

Thank you for all of your support. As always, you rock.


11 comments:

  1. Sorry that you didn't one hit wonder. Just keep your head up and keep moving forward.

    I understand the frustration with friends/family. I had the same issue - people only wanting to be happy for us but not realizing that it's incredibly painful to have to explain it over and over again. Eventually we just stopped letting people know. The one thing that I got tired of hearing for sure was "it will happen when the time is right" UGH lol, drove me nuts!

    The first 2ww for me was the hardest too - but they will all be hard. I found tons and tons of comfort in knowing that I had my blog and the people here to listen to me vent, be upset, and be happy with no judgment.

    Hugs to you and Devon both! Keep on path for next month!

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  2. I'm sorry it didn't happen this time. But you've got that first negative under your belt, and hopefully there won't be many (or any) more.

    Sadly, it's a hard lesson to learn that you shouldn't really tell many people the details, like having gotten IUI's because of all the questions you face every time. I would be straightforward with people and say that it didn't happen this time, but you will let them know when it does and to please respect your privacy until then and not ask. Oh, and when you DO get pregnant, don't tell people the actual due date (tell them a week or two later). If you're late, they will ask you every single day 'Have you had the baby yet?' Another lesson we learned too late.

    Hang in there and appreciate the alcohol until round two.

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  3. Well, shoot. I was actually thinking about you guys on my drive to work this morning and wondering if you had tested yet. I'm so sorry it didn't work this time. Enjoy your drinkin'! xo

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  4. damn, im so sorry. bfns suck, whatever number.

    i think strawberry has some good advice. you've gotta put an end to nosy questions or it will drive you mad. we regretted telling even the close friends we shared with, it is so draining having to share bad news each month.

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  5. I'm so sorry. I was hoping you'd have that one hit magic I've heard about.

    I agree about telling people. We didn't tell anyone except our donor and his partner at first and generally kept ttc under wraps. I think we took it a little far, though. No, we didn't want people asking about every insemination. But we also kind of alienated ourselves from our friends by not talking about this huge thing that was going on. So, my advice would be to try to walk that fine line so that you still get the support you need, but no one has "14dpo for Lex and Devon" marked on the family calendar.

    Again, I'm sorry it wasn't your month.

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  6. Sorry it didn't work out this go-round. Better luck for next time.

    I remember reading a stat somewhere that something like 80% of women up to age 35 get pregnant by their eighth IUI attempt. Every time we got a BFN I reminded myself of that. We had four negatives before the positive, and I was happy that we were on the low end of the statistic. Strange thing, but walking into the appointment where Jen did get pregnant, we both felt that it would work that time. I don't know why.

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  7. It will happen. I would just wait to tell people when it is positive. Everyone who cares about you knows you are trying so no need to report. Just wait the 12 weeks like everyone else does. Time goes faster too.

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  8. Boooo. I know what you mean about the friends asking and checking it. It SHOULD be comforting but for me it feels like I have to be comforting them as well as myself when the answer is not good. Enjoy drinking tonight. The one silver lining is that you are now starting again... I guess. :/

    (I just got on my computer and realized this never posted since I never put in the secret anti-spam word! Whoops!)

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  9. I'm so sorry that you guys didn't get it on the first try but you are right, the whole HPT process is a good thing to now have under your belt. The first one is just SO SO hard and my heart goes out to you both. I know how you feel about the inquiring friends which is why 90% of my support is online too. Fortunately (or unfortunately, however you choose to see it) if you don't talk about TTC w/ people, most will forget again and stop asking.

    Also, just had to add...I can't even begin to tell you how many people have asked me if I'm knocked up yet or not while I have a beer in front of me. People are dumb. ;)

    Update us on how the best friend situation is going. I know how hard it is to deal with the jealousy and excitement from others. Luckily, you'll probably get to learn a lot from her pregnancy though.

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  10. We're just back and I'm checking in on all my blogs and I'm so sorry to read this and read how sad/badly you're feeling. I hope that now, a week past, your eyes have shifted to what comes next and your hearts are a little lighter. xoxo

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  11. I'm sorry. i hope it's a short ride.

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