We decided to POAS on Wednesday evening if AF hadn't come by then. It was 12dpo and though it was early, we knew to take the results with a grain of salt. We also knew that because of the trigger shot, we had a high chance of having a false positive. We were ready for that.
I don't know if I was ready for a big stark white empty space, but that's what stared back at us. I'd been pretty psyched because the nurse said I'd probably get my period Sunday-Tuesday because of the shot and I hadn't yet. Dev asked if she could look at the test first, which I actually appreciated.
We were both a little sad at the result, but knew there was no finality to it. When Devon suggested we test the next day, I said I'd rather wait until Friday, when we're supposed to test.
No less than one hour later, I went pee and AF had arrived. And I don't know if it's just the emotions or what, but it seems to be an extra painful, heavy period. Adding insult to injury.
At least we know, right? But it was tough. I wanted to those of you who commented and those who noted that the first 2WW is the hardest - it was really good to hear. Part of me was thankful that we actually got a chance to do an HPT because I feel like that's an integral part of this experience. I don't think I'm as crushed as I thought I would be, and I think that's partly attributed to reading the blogs that I read and recognizing that this process is rarely short and sweet for people. But I'm still incredibly sad and Devon is too, but we will pick up and focus on next month. We have to.
What I didn't expect is how annoyingly persistent friends are in asking about the status of the pregnancy. That's one of the reasons this blog is so great, because most readers understand - and I have no problem whatsoever updating people on this medium. After yesterday, I wish I hadn't told a soul (outside of here) that we'd had our IUI. It's hard enough mourning the loss as a couple, but having to tell other people, who are pushy and ask flat out if I'm pregnant, is painful. My sister-in-law asked yesterday when I was over at her house and I lied and said "I don't know yet". She told me to take a damn test already and call her right away. I am realizing that although I appreciated the energy sent to me on the day of the IUI, I can't be answering the pregnancy question month after month. I know everyone's intentions are fantastic... I guess I'd just hoped for some privacy. I had no idea how hard it is, and I haven't even told anyone yet. I'm dreading it. I've learned my lesson, and will not be so open with the specific dates going forward.
My best friend has texted me every day this week asking for news.
And guess what I get to do tonight? Go to a dinner party at said best friend's house and listen to her announce to our group of friends that she's pregnant.
The only good part about this BFN is that I can drink to get through this evening. Plus, then people will figure it out on their own and I won't have to tell them.
Thank you for all of your support. As always, you rock.