Some people have said that the wait to ovulate feels so much longer than the 2WW, but I have to disagree. We're already just a few days away from trying again. That makes me happy.
It's been an interesting week though...
A bit of history: I was hired to cover a maternity leave and was asked to stay on when my colleague (let's call her Tee) returned. Tee's been back for less than two months, and she called me into her office on Thursday to tell me that she's four months pregnant. She's leaving for another year in March. I was actually thrilled for her and think it's awesome - she really wanted two within two years of each other, so I'm glad it worked out for her.
Here's the thing. Our director (let's call her Kay) is a frikkin' insecure stress case and she's tanking even with both my colleague and I working for her (team of two became team of three). When Tee told Kay she was pregnant, it was a very professional response, but it was obvious Kay was shattered by the news. In the past, Kay has been vocal with me about how tough it was training me to do the scope of work that Tee had a lot more experience with. My inexperience has been blamed for numerous things, including the fact that Kay couldn't get the damn annual report out last year, because she was too busy "training" me (I got no said "training," so that's bullshit, but that's how she rolls).
You many remember that one of the reasons Kay wanted to keep me on was precisely in case Tee took another mat leave (and apparently I was quite angry when I wrote this post about it). In her mind, I don't think mat leave is even a possibility for me.
I've always been terrified of telling Kay I'm pregnant. Out of all the obstacles of this whole conception journey, that has haunted me daily. I know family comes first, but I'm a Pisces and I take on the weight of the world and apparently I feel as though I can't possibly shatter Kay any more than she is by Tee's news. I know it sounds silly. It's life - lots of people go on mat leave - but I honestly don't know how I'm going to tell her when the time comes. She's going to shit herself.
After Tee told me, I had to tell her that I was trying. Of anyone, she'll know the stress of telling Kay. She was thrilled for me and very respectful with her questions. I told her my fears about Kay's mental health around this, and she understood. I just kept saying, "I hope I'm pregnant soon so that I can tell Kay before she hires for your position... and perhaps she'll hire someone with a higher skill set to deal with the potential double void."
Why do I care so much? It's work. Yes, we're in the healthcare industry (kind of) but it's not like we're saving lives. Kay is an insecure crazy lady who is under-qualified for her position anyway, but I feel as though this will bury Kay alive and my conscience is not doing so well with this one.
Totally a bridge to cross over when we get to it, but when Tee told me her news, I was thrilled and then my heart just dropped, realizing that this is not going to be easy. I really, really hope that I get pregnant this week, so that I'll only be at work for an extra 4 months after Tee leaves, and then if Kay goes under, we'll both be far out of reach.
Tee told me that, when the time comes, I need to present my pregnancy to Kay as really good news. Which I agree with, and have to get over the fact that it's not my responsibility that the timing kind of sucks for our team. It WILL be good news. And who knows, by the time I'm pregnant, maybe I'll have gotten over this.
[Quick non-related question: For those of you who have taken Ovidrel (trigger shot), has it affected your actual menstruation? I have been a 5-day bleeder my whole life, but this month my period lasted for three days. Two of which were very light. I'm not sure whether this is something to worry about, but I thought I'd ask in case it's a red flag for anything.]