This may make me a bad lesbian, but I am often very forgiving of people who say stupid, ignorant things that should maybe hurt me as a member of the lesbian race - especially when I know it is not consciously meant as an attack. I guess I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and sometimes that comes with a punch in the gut and/or uterus on my end.
Today wasn't that bad in the scheme of things, but my buttons certainly got pushed.
I'm currently covering a mat leave for my job, the "incumbent" comes back this summer (I still find that to be the weirdest word for mom/dad that goes away from work for a while to look after a child... or anyone else who is taking a break from work for whatever reason, but I digress). In this blessed Canadian country of mine, a maternity leave is 12 months, and although there is almost a half year left in my contract, I'm the kind of person that needs a plan. That may not come as a surprise to anyone who reads my blog ;-)
I was going to approach Boss this week to basically let her know that I have to start thinking about setting something up for after my contract, but Boss beat me to it. She came into my office today to tell me that she's proposing a new position to upper management for me, but whether or not it is approved totally depends on the budget, which is hurting right now. Boss can't promise me anything, but it was a good conversation to have regardless - gave me a little hope that I could stay there, as I really like the work I do.
So the conversation with Boss continued and we talked through what it may look like when Incumbent comes back. Boss turns to me and says something along the lines of, "Yeah, and if (when) Incumbent goes on maternity leave again, you'll be here and up to speed and we won't have to worry about having an empty role for long."
And maybe I shouldn't have read into things or let something so small get to me, but I was sitting across the desk from her, just thinking, "and why the fuck would you think that I wouldn't have to go on mat leave one day too? Just because I don't have a cock in my house - literally AND figuratively - doesn't mean that I'm going to give up my right as a woman to be a mom. And fuck you for thinking I could be the 'replacement' constant because (of course!) there is no way in hell I could have a family with my wife. Fuck you, Boss: Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I don't have a working uterus and some dreams that go with it."
Jeez.
And I'm not even PMSing.
Yes you do!
ReplyDeleteSounds stressful, even if she in actuality didn't mean anything by it. You'd think that as a woman she would have seen the flaw in that statement...
Boy will she get a surprise when you need a sub :)
I don't think it's because you're gay, necessarily. At my work they seem to think that I'd never have kids, either, and from what I can tell it's based on the fact that I don't have any yet. Even though I talk about them constantly. Of course I work in a department where one of my colleagues was 8 months pregnant before she told anyone about it (she didn't show much, obviously), so maybe they just assume that NO ONE will ever have babies, despite evidence to the contrary. On the up side, though--hurray for making you a position in upper management! That's great news no matter how you slice it!
ReplyDeleteDefinitely a touchy issue. Likewise, I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it, but it is very easy to see an assumption there. Most likely it's because you haven't spoken about the issue before?
ReplyDeleteshitty situation and I'm sorry your boss made you feel that way. :(
ReplyDeleteOn an upside, I just love love love all the little pictures you add to your posts. SO funny!
A similar thing happened to me. When it came time to tell my boss I was pregnant, I sat down with her and said.. "I want to share some news with you."... her response was.. "well, let's see, You're not pregnant, so what could it be?"
ReplyDeleteUgh.. I don't think she meant it that way though, I think she is just under educated.
I love this post! Your humor-laden venting is tremendous. (And also a great coping mechanism - not that I speak from experience or anything.) :)
ReplyDeleteAs for your boss - what an asshat. So sorry you had to experience that...I think it has everything to do with you being a lesbian. My wife's company I'm sure assumed the same thing about her, until she announced she was pregnant. They were shocked, but they towed the line. Of course, living in California, they would have been slapped with a lawsuit had they not towed the line. But still, they've been nothing but gracious and supportive ever since.
So, all that to say, your boss may surprise you once they find out about your journey to motherhood.
(And thanks again for finding me...catching up on your blog now, and really ecstatic to have another "crazy" lesbo mom in my circle. I don't think it matters that the baby is not yet in your arms, because they are clearly very much in your heart...which makes you a mom in my book.)